


Ti Amo

by bubblemiyabi



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealousy, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-05 02:43:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11568660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblemiyabi/pseuds/bubblemiyabi
Summary: Jihoon's life is changed after reading a fanfic story.





	1. Change of Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing NielWink... not sure how it's going to turn out, will change rating and add more tags as the story goes on.

After scrolling through the page and reading through the lines, Jihoon immediately closes the window on the iPad that’s shared by all Wanna One members.

No, he does not have “that kind” of feeling for their center. 

It’s true that they are close, they get along and he loves Daniel as a hyung, but it’s not the same type of love all the NielWink shippers around the world are hoping for.

It’s one of the rare nights when Jihoon had some time for himself. He was visiting some of the fansites and admiring the drawings created by fans when he stumbled across a section called “fanfic.” He clicked on it out of curiosity, not knowing he would be introduced to a whole new world of fan creativity. There he sees tons of stories written for all kinds of pairings, mostly within Wanna One and some are Produce 101 in general. Jihoon started to look for his stories and opened one about him and Samuel. He actually enjoyed the story a lot because it brings back the memory of the rivalry/friendship between him and Samuel. It’s like reminiscing the good old days especially when it’s now difficult for them to meet and catch up.

When he scrolls down a little bit further, he notices there are stories with “rated R” tag including a story about him and Daniel. The title really pop out and caught Jihoon’s attention.

 

_Ti Amo_

 

Jihoon looked it up using Google Translate, apparently it looks like “I love you” in Italian. Feeling 30% nervous and 70% curious, Jihoon clicked on the story and started reading. The story started with Daniel pinning him against the wall, kissing him and saying all the seductive and romantic words. They started to do stuffs while standing before quickly moving toward the bed.

All during the first half the story, and Jihoon quickly closes the page (and cleans the history) because he’s so embarrassed (and especially because it’s a shared iPad).

_No, that’s just too weird. Daniel hyung and I are not like that, I don’t see him that way and neither does he… but then why is my heart beating so fast? Okay it must be because I was too shocked, or like a post-traumatic type of thing… I just need to get some fresh air and clear up my mind…_

 

———————

 

“Hyung, where’s the iPad? I need to write something to my parents.

Still ruffling his wet hair with a towel after finishing shower, Daniel knocks and peeks into Jisung’s room which is also shared with Sungwoon.

“Uh… oh, I think Jihoon has it. He’s the last person who asked me for it.”  
“Thanks hyung!”

Daniel walks past the living room and sees the abandoned iPad on the sofa. He’s about to pick it up when he notices a petite figure standing on the balcony with his back facing Daniel. Wondering why is their resident wink boy and cute angel in the eyes of their fans standing on the balcony by himself at this hour, Daniel strides toward the ceiling window separating the balcony and living room.

“Yah.”

Jihoon jumps a little when Daniel’s voice comes out of the blue.

“Ah hyung, don’t scare me please.”

Daniel smiles, closing the window behind him.

“What are you doing here by yourself? It’s late and it’s cold. Where are others?”  
“Oh, nothing. I.. I just want to enjoy some quietness, hyung you know how hectic our schedule has been.”  
“Is that your way of telling me to leave then?”

Jihoon’s eyes widen: Did he just say something rude to his hyung?

“No! no hyung it’s not like that! Sorry I didn’t say it properly… You can stay if you want.”

Daniel smiles, shaking his head.

“Nah, I will respectfully let you enjoy your peaceful time. On one condition, though.”  
“What?”  
“Hold it for me real quick.”

Looking confused, Jihoon takes the towel Daniel handed to him. Daniel takes off his red hoodie and drops it over Jihoon who’s staring blankly at him. He takes back his towel, smiling as he watches Jihoon slowly putting his arms into the sleeves and wears the hoodie properly --- although it's clearly too big for Jihoon.

“Don’t stay out too late, good night.”  
“Good night, hyung.”

When Daniel is out of sight, Jihoon turns around and sighs because he feels like he’s on his way of becoming normal again when Daniel shows up out of nowhere and offers his hoodie like a knight in shining armor. Jihoon can also feel his heart beating faster because Daniel looks so sexy with his hair not fully dry. Jihoon doesn’t blame Daniel though, because all Daniel did was making sure his member/dongsaeng doesn’t catch a cold, and everyone knows that Daniel is sexy. 

Wearing Daniel’s red hoodie, Jihoon pulls up the collar slightly higher. It is so warm and it smells like Daniel.

With another sigh, Jihoon knows it’s gonna be a long night.

 

—————————

 

Today Wanna One is doing another magazine photoshoot. Unlike their appearance on “1st Look”, they are getting more pages with more variation in paring and member combination.

It’s Jihoon’s turn to do makeup, but the makeup noona frowns while looking back and forth between Jihoon’s face and mirror reflection.

“Jihoon ah, why is your face so red today? And… oh my god your eyes.”  
“Ah… sorry noona, I couldn’t sleep very well last night.”

In reality, it’s more like “couldn’t sleep at all.”

“No, no, it’s fine I’m just surprised. I normally don’t need to do too much on your face because your skin is really good, that’s why.”

A concerned looking Daehwi walks toward Jihoon when makeup noona is busy changing foundation colors and rearranging stuffs, and he puts the back of his palm on Jihoon’s forehead.

“Good thing it’s not hot, but hyung are you not feeling well?”  
“Daehwi I’m fine, just not sure what happened this morning.”

Jihoon answers half heartedly when he sees Daniel, who's currently laughing with Jaehwan and Minhyun, in the mirror from the corner of his eyes. Even with a simple dress shirt and a loosely tied necktie, Daniel can rock any type of outfit given to him and he looks so gorgeous.

Jihoon closes his eyes when the makeup noona starts applying foundation onto his face.

 

_Oh my god… I can’t think about that fanfic anymore. I have work to do!!!_

 

Luckily, Jihoon’s position is not right next to Daniel in all their group photos so he’s able to do all the poses and facial expression normally. But it doesn’t mean the end of his suffering.

Because their positions in group photos are not close to each other, the photographer is putting Daniel and Jihoon together as a pair for the couple photos.

“Jihoon sshi, you need to relax your face and body a little bit more.”

The photographer himself finds it weird giving this kind of instruction to Jihoon, who’s normally very natural in front of camera and always have fun doing photoshoot.

With his arms still gently wrapped around Jihoon’s waist, Daniel can’t help noticing the deep breath Jihoon takes when the photographer tells him to relax — as if being relax is too difficult for the petite boy right now.

But why? It’s not like they haven’t done photoshoot with only the two of them, and it’s not like Jihoon has ever been awkward with him.

And then Daniel’s mind lingers back to the previous night.

 

_Is something bothering Jihoon?_

 

Daniel decides to push off his worry for now and focuses on the photoshoot, maybe Jihoon is just having a rough day and they just need to keep an eye on him.

“Okay, we’re done! Sungwoon sshi and Guanlin sshi you guys are next!”

When their photoshoot is over, they are supposed to move out of the way so the staff can rearrange the setting for the next photoshoot. When Daniel gets off the set, he notices Jihoon is still walking slowly — or more like dragging his feet.

“Jihoonie? We gotta go.”

Jihoon looks up and sees Daniel looking at him with a concerned face. He picks up the pace almost like he’s just snapped back to reality. Daniel tilts his face as Jihoon now walks slightly ahead of him.

By now Daniel is almost 100% sure that there’s definitely something bothering Jihoon.

As for Jihoon, he doesn’t know if he’s awkward with Daniel because of the fanfic, or if it’s because the fanfic may have revealed something more important.

When their photoshoot is done, Jihoon feels something he has never experienced before. It’s like his heart has dropped when Daniel withdraws his arms and no longer holding him. It’s almost as if he feels nervous when Daniel touch him, and disappointed when Daniel is not.

And Jihoon is terrified at the thought.


	2. What's Wrong?

“Jihoon.”

After watching the group repeats the same routine and formation change for multiple times, the male dance teacher — looking far from happy — turns off the music and calls out Jihoon. The dance practice room is now dead silent with only sound of heavy breathing from everyone.

“Yes.”  
“What’s your position in this group?”  
“Lead dancer, sir.”  
“And is that how a lead dancer supposed to look like? You’re the only one missing beat and forgetting your routine.”

With his hands folded behind his back, Jihoon bites his bottom lips and keeps his eyes to the ground.

“You are the lead dancer yet you’re wasting everyone’s time. Jaehwan has got his routine down and dancing is not his speciality. Guanlin has the shortest period of training time compared to all of you but he’s memorized everything. And how many b-boy spins did Daniel have to repeat today just because you mess up?”

Jihoon wishes he can just dig a hole right now and hides away because he’s too ashamed.

“Look at me, I expect a more appropriate performance from you next time.”  
“Yes, sir.”

The look on their teacher’s face has soften a little bit by the time Jihoon looks up, but still very very stern. The teacher glances at the clock in the room.

“We’re running out of time so that’s it for today, thanks for the hard work everyone.”  
“THANK YOU SIR!”

Everyone runs to their water bottles and towels after sending off their teacher. Jihoon sits down in front of his belongings and carelessly covers his head with a towel, shielding away from his members. It’s not like everyone else is doing much talking either, other members are exhausted as well and don’t feel like getting into Jihoon’s face (because Jihoon is obviously not himself today).

Jihoon is extremely upset with himself. It’s been weeks since that photoshoot where he started to feel awkward with Daniel’s presence and physical contact, and it’s now affecting his job and causing trouble to others. Jihoon remains in his own world until someone’s arms are wrapped around his neck and chest touching his back.

“Hyung~~ are you alright?”

It’s Jinyoung, resting his chin on Jihoon’s shoulder.

“I’m alright, it’s just a bad day, Jinyoung ah.”

And then Jihoon feel someone else coming close to him, pulling away his towel and pinching his cheek.

“So bad day, huh?”  
“Jisung hyung, I’m very sorry. It won’t happen next time, I promise.”

Jisung gives the younger a reassuring smile.

“We all have bad days every once a whlie, the dance teacher just has a much higher expectation of you,” says Jisung, also reaching out to fix Jihoon’s hair. “But if something is bothering you, please let me know, okay?”  
“Yes, hyung.”

While Jihoon appreciates their leader Jisung’s kindness, he’s not so sure about fulfilling Jisung’s request.

How can he tell any of his members that he’s most likely hopelessly in love with a guy and the guy is none other than their center Daniel?

 

—————————

 

Next day after shooting a fried chicken commercial, the older members have to go somewhere else to shoot another beer commercial so the younger ones have some free time after returning to their dorms. Jihoon decides to practice and make up for what he missed the day before. 

“I’ll go with you.”

In their shared room with Jinyoung, Jihoon watches with surprise as Woojin gets up from his bed and begins pulling out some t-shirts and comfortable pants that he usually wear for practice and to change after practice.

“What? No you don’t have to, just rest Woojin ah.”

By now Woojin has finished throwing everything he needs into the duffle bag.

“It’s weird when one lead dancer is practicing but the other one is resting, let’s go.”

Daehwi, Jinyoung and Guanlin are all in the living room when two dancers bid them goodbye, and Jihoon is the only one not aware of the meaningful look Woojin sends others.

 

—————————

 

They dance for a while before taking a break together, Woojin looks at Jihoon who’s gulping like he hasn’t drank water for days.

“Jihoon ah… can we talk? I think it’s easier with just me and you.”  
“Talk about what?”  
“You know what I mean. You’ve been acting weird, don’t think I haven’t noticed."

Jihoon lowers his eyes as he puts his water bottle back to the floor.

“I’m fine.”

The flat answer earns a snort from Woojin, who rarely does that.

“Yeah right, I can list out all the incidents from past weeks. 1) You putting on earphones when we were in the car and refused to participate in conversation with us when we were talking about an actress who recently named Daniel hyung her ideal type. 2) You giving the talk show host dead glare when she asked Daniel hyung to describe his ideal type. 3) You looking super awkward when posing for photo with Daniel hyung. 4) You were not happy —-”  
“Okay you can stop now Park Woojin, I didn’t know you can be so talkative.”

Jihoon hissed, to which Woojin is actually glad because he’s finally getting Jihoon’s attention.

“Did something happen between you and Daniel hyung? It seems like he’s the reason for you acting weird.”

 

_Yeah… something happened but only to me._

 

Jihoon lets out a sigh.

“Maybe, but Daniel hyung didn’t do anything wrong. It’s my own problem.”  
“So he’s not the main problem, but there’s something else?”  
“Okay it has nothing to do with Daniel hyung okay? I need to get back to practice.”

 

—————————

 

“So the reason is totally Daniel hyung right?”

When Jihoon is in shower, all the younger ones — Daehwi, Woojin, Jinyoung and Guanlin — gather at Daehwi’s shared room with Seongwoo and Daniel. After Woojin tells them about his conversation with Jihoon, they have come to the conclusion that the origin of Jihoon’s weird behavior lately is definitely Daniel.

“But why though?”

That is the question they have yet to figure out a potential answer.

“Could it be….”  
“What? Daehwi just say it.”

Now with all the attention shifted to him, Daehwi is getting uncomfortable with the rest waiting for him to say something.

“…I know it sounds crazy but… could it be that maybe, maaayyyybe Jihoon hyung likes Daniel hyung…..?

Daehwi’s voice is really soft and unsure, but the suggestion sounds so out of the blue and others just look at each other in silent.

“…I know it happens in fanfic, but real life?”  
“Is it even possible?”  
“I don’t think Jihoon hyung is interested in guys…”  
“It’s gonna be so awkward if it’s true… what are we going to do as a team?”

Daehwi looks at his peers, even he thinks his original idea is crazy.

“Yeah you guys are right, oh my god why did I even mention it?”

There are noises coming from the first floor, hinting that the older members have returned and it’s time for them to close this secret meeting.

“Okay guys, not a word with hyungs about what we talked about. Daehwi, especially you.”  
“Deal.” 

Seongwoo and Daniel return to their room, Daniel just quickly drops off his bag before taking off again.

“Daehwi ah, we brought some snacks home!! You won’t get any if you go down there late!”  
“Okay! Be right there!!”

Before Daehwi has a chance to follow behind Daniel, he feels someone grabbing his arm.

“Seongwoo hyung?”  
“Sorry for stopping you from running toward the food but I’m just curious… did you hear anything from Jihoon?”

There’s an alarm ringing in Daehwi’s head, but he’s playing innocent as if he doesn’t know what Seongwoo is talking about.

“What do you mean, hyung?”  
“Well… When we were doing the beer commercial Daniel said something like Jihoon is getting distant with him. He feels like Jihoon is avoiding him, but he doesn’t understand why… ”  
“Oh that… I also noticed but Jihoonnie hasn’t told me anything. I’ll try talking to him.”

Which is also true, because Jihoon didn’t tell Woojin (so none of them would know for sure) exactly what is going on between him and Daniel.

“It's okay. I just thought that you might know something since you guys are close… Daniel was feeling kind of upset though, because he wants to know if Jihoon has problem with him.”


	3. Don't Hate Me

Daniel’s icy cold stare gives Jihoon a painful stab to his heart.

Is it a right choice to tell Daniel the truth? He can no longer control his own feeling, he needs to let Daniel know, he needs to let someone knows, he needs to share it with someone. And most importantly, he needs to know how Daniel thinks of him.

“What the hell do you mean?” Daniel’s voice has no feeling and warmth in it.

Jihoon keeps his eyes fixed to the ground, regretting his earlier decision. He should have kept it a secret. 

“Are you stupid?” Daniel’s reaction is a very clear sign for Jihoon to know that Daniel doesn’t share the same type of feeling. He has never seen Daniel raising his voice like this, he should have known better. Why didn’t he just make up a random reason when Daniel demands answer from him?

“I’m sorry hyung… I shouldn’t have told you.”

“I wish you didn’t.”

This is by far the most awkward conversation he’s ever had with Daniel. Jihoon doesn’t remember when’s the last time Daniel gets angry like this, and he doesn’t like it when Daniel is upset.

“I… I’m not interested in guys, Jihoon.” 

Daniel’s voice sounds like it’s the most disgusting thing when a guy says to another guy that he’s in love with him.

“I know.” 

Jihoon feels extremely disappointed and embarrassed. He knows everything will change between him and Daniel from now on, and Daniel will never treat him with the same kindness as before.

“This is going to ruin us. The feeling you have for me… love or like or whatever you want to call it… is going to ruin us and ruin Wanna One. Can’t you hear me? This is not acceptable.”

Why didn’t he think of any of this? Jihoon feels like someone has just punch his heart really hard.

“Wanna One…”

“This is gross and crazy.”

“I know.”

Maybe it’s the sixth sense, Jihoon turns around and see other members are standing not too far from him. Some of them give him a weak smile, some of them look stunned, some of them have no emotion, and some of them look like it’s the end of the world. And the worst part is, their manager is there too.

“Jihoon, you are going to ruin Wanna One.” Jihoon gasps at their manager’s words.

“Hyung…” Guanlin quietly calls Jihoon, as if he’s trying to comprehend what goes through Jihoon’s mind.

“Are you out of your mind?!” His 99line friend Woojin cries.

Jaehwan walks toward Jihoon and places his hands on the younger boy’s shoulders.

“Jihoon ah… we all worked so hard to get to where we are today. Do you really want us to give it away like this?”

“No, no…” Jihoon keeps repeating himself, he turns to look at Daniel but the later immediately looks away.

Jihoon understands very well how long his hyungs have suffered before having this chance to debut and be loved as Wanna One. He doesn’t want to ruin Wanna One’s future, they still have so many things they want to do before their contract expires. He can care less about his feeling which doesn’t mean shit. Wanna One is his life now, Wanna One is his motivation to be better, Wanna One is the only thing that matters. He looks at every person in the room, wanting to assure them that there’s nothing more important than Wanna One. 

Until his eyes meet with Daniel, whose eyes are filled with disgust.

“Do you want this to be the end?”

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!! NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“HYUNG!!! JIHOON HYUNG WAKE UP!!!!!!”

Jihoon feels someone is shaking his body. He opens his eyes, but loses balance when he sits up too quickly. He doesn’t fall off the bed only because he’s held by Jinyoung, who’s now sitting on the edge of Jihoon’s bed. 

“I think you had a bad dream.”

Jihoon is panting and his sweat is cold. Waking up from a nightmare in a pitch dark room is making him nervous again.

“No…” 

Woojin jumps down and runs to turn on the light. Jihoon’s body is trembling in Jinyoung’s arms, there are trails of tears on his face and his eyes are filled with fear. Woojin takes the tissue box on their nightstand and goes to sit in front of Jihoon, grabbing onto Jihoon’s hand that’s reaching toward him.

“It’s fine, you just had a bad dream.” Woojin softly says, drying Jihoon’s tears with tissue.  
“I…”

This is when the door is slightly pushed open, showing Minhyun and Daniel in their sleepwear.

“What’s the noise?… Jihoonie?” 

The state of Jihoon makes Minhyun forget all about his sleepiness as he quickly walks toward Jihoon’s bed.

“Jihoon had a nightmare… hyung did we wake you up? How about other hyungs?”

“It’s alright, Daniel and I just haven’t fallen asleep yet,” says Minhyun, kneeling down next to Jihoon’s bed. “Jihoon ah are you alright? Your face is really pale.”

“I… I’m fine,” Jihoon replies with a weak, choking voice because his throat is tired from the crying and screaming.

Daniel stands quietly behind Minhyun, he’s very worried but not sure what to say —- mainly because he and Jihoon haven’t really talked to each other the last few weeks because the younger boy has been keeping distance with him. So he’s very surprised when Jihoon recognizes his presence and eagerly reaches for him. Daniel is even more surprised when Jihoon wraps his arms tightly around his waist.

“Daniel hyung… I would never ruin Wanna One, ever.” 

Jihoon is grabbing onto Daniel’s shirt as if he wants to prove something.

“Yes, I know.” 

Daniel is super confused about Jihoon’s words, but he nods and responds anyways.

“And I would never hurt Wanna One.”

The weak voice of Jihoon makes Daniel tightens his embrace.

“Hey hey don’t say that! You had a bad dream, Wanna one is fine, we’re doing great!”

“Really?” It seems like Jihoon has returned to reality just now.

“Really,” says Daniel, his hand gently running back Jihoon’s hair as he slightly backs away from Jihoon to gaze into those watery chocolate brown eyes. “Whoever says that you are ruining or hurting Wanna One, they need to learn how to use a dictionary first.”

“So it was a dream? I didn’t…”

“Okay stop, you need to rest. You’re scaring all of us Jihoon ah.”

Daniel puts Jihoon back to laying on his bed, with the younger’s face looking much more relaxed now.

“Okay, it’s just a dream, I’m okay…” Jihoon says to himself, finally with a small smile on his face. He didn’t confess to Daniel, Daniel didn’t hate him, everything was fine.

Minhyun gently strokes Jihoon’s face.

“It’s a really bad dream though, if it happens again you may need to see a doctor. Now go back to sleep, we need to talk about it when you’re feeling better.”

Minhyun and Daniel turn off the light and leave the room after tucking Jihoon into bed and saying goodnight to Woojin and Jinyoung. The room is dark, the time is late and they're tired from the stressful schedule, but all of them are not sleeping.

“Jihoon hyung…”

“Hm?”

“…Can you tell us what happened in that dream?”

Jihoon doesn’t answer Jinyoung’s question. Hs shifts his sleeping position so that his back is facing Woojin and Jinyoung’s direction — even in the dark.

“Can we just drop the topic for now? I’m really tired.”

“You said something about Wanna One, did you do something?”

“I didn’t do anything that hurts Wanna One, don’t worry.”

“We know you didn’t do anything that hurts Wanna One, but something is hurting you. We can only help if we knows what’s going on.

It’s now Woojin’s voie in the dark. Jihoon lets out another sigh, he understands Woojin and Jinyoung’s worry but sadly there’s nothing they can do at this point.

“No one can help me. It’s a phase and it will be over. I promise I’ll get better, I won’t affect the team,” Jihoon’s voice has a hint of sadness in it.

“Affect the team?”

“I mean, I won’t let me personal condition affects our performance,” Jihoon quickly answers.

There’s a silent pause in the pitch dark room, before Woojin’s voice comes back.

“Hate to tell you, but you’re a really bad liar.”

“Guys just… trust me okay? I’m the only one who can make this problem disappear. It may take some times, but I promise I will solve it. I just overthink sometimes.”

Woojin silently digests Jihoon’s words. This is not the first time his 99line friend refuses to talk about his problem, and Woojin knows he probably won’t get Jihoon talking now.

“Hyung, we just want to see you healthy and happy.”

It’s Jinyoung speaking again, his voice sounds sleepier than before.

“I will, thank you Jinyoung.”  
“Good night hyung… we’re... always... here….”

Knowing that Jinyoung must have drifted off to sleep while saying it, Jihoon’s lips curl up to a smile.

“Good night.”

Jihoon stares at the ceiling. That nightmare is like a warning, telling Jihoon how bad things will get if his members or other people find out about his feeling for Daniel.

To keep Wanna One’s reputation intact, to keep his members away from harm, his heart can be broken for all he cares.

 

—————————

 

“Hyung, do you think Jihoon’s nightmare has something to do with me?”

Minhyun stops on his track as they walk back to their rooms. He turns to look at Daniel, the concern on Daniel’s face is visible even under dim light in the hallway.

“Why would you say that?”

“Hyung you noticed it, and everyone else. I have no idea how did it happen in the first place, Jihoon has been keeping distance with me and he seems to get awkward whenever I’m around. Seongwoo hyung even asked Daehwi for me but Daehwi doesn’t know either. If Jihoon has a problem with me —”

“Daniel calms down, you’re rambling,” Minhyun tugs on Daniel’s arm. “Unless Jihoon lets us in, there’s really not much we can do at this point.”

“I get it, but —”

“Don’t start blaming yourself right off the bat, let’s just stay patient for now and see how he does.”

Daniel lets out a sigh.

“I just hate not knowing the problem.”

“We all do, but I think it will get better from now on. Didn’t Jihoon just hug you earlier?”


	4. Hurt is the Only Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who has been reading this story :) This is my first try with NielWink and I didn't expect to receive so much love and appreciation~

Minhyun seems to have proven his ever so accurate prediction once again, because Jihoon IS being normal again. It started with the morning commute, instead of going all the way to the back Jihoon takes the more convenient seat next to Daniel.

“Hyung, do you want a mint chewing gum?”  
“Oh, yeah sure.”

And then during a break session during their morning practice, the younger ones leave the practice room to pick up more water bottles. Jihoon comes back holding several bottles in his arms, and he notices the empty bottle next to Daniel who’s currently talking to Guanlin and Jaehwan.

“Daniel hyung yours is already empty right? Here you go.”  
“Ah, thank you.”

Jisung watches as Jihoon walks away and his meaning glance turns back to Daniel.

“So you guys have sorted out your differences? Jihoon seems brighter today too.”  
“Well, not exactly, I still don’t know what happened.”

Jaehwan gives Daniel a slap in the back.

“As long as you two get along, we’re good.”

Ever since their Produce 101 days, Daniel has always felt that there’s something he couldn’t grasp about Jihoon because the boy is just “too perfect”. On stage and on TV, Produce 101 Season 2’s resident winkboy has always presented himself as calm, good mannered and beautiful. When the camera stops rolling, Jihoon is still flawless, hardworking and gets along with all the trainees. Daniel hasn’t seen Jihoon showing drastic emotion other than the signature smile, as if the younger boy is hiding something behind that angelic mask and hoping no one can see how he really feels. Daniel is a confident person, but he never thinks for once that he has to be perfect. He doesn’t believe in being perfect, to be honest, because no one is perfect from inside out. 

Sometimes Daniel wishes Jihoon can show his weakness, let his guard down. 

During the time when Jihoon is distant and everytime someone asks if he’s alright, Jihoon’s answer doesn’t stray far away from variation including “I’m fine” and “Don’t worry”. He still wants to know the reason behind Jihoon’s sudden change of attitude, behind all those awkward reaction whenever he comes close to the younger boy…

Everything seems to have gone back to normal. Jihoon hasn’t said anything about the strange period of time when he’s “awkward” with Daniel but seeing how the two are now getting along just fine, everyone else just decides to move on as well.

 

————————-

 

Two weeks later, Daniel’s name shows up in the headline of all online media. Pictures of Daniel and a senior female idol leaving a restaurant together explode on the Internet, with articles and so-called “insider sources” describing their alleged “date.” The scandal was proved to be false within an hour or two maximum, as both companies come forward to dispute the report very early on. Daniel and the girl have also delivered their own statement via their agency, saying the dinner was attended by many staff members of a variety show and Daniel — being the gentleman he is — just offered to accompany the girl on the short walk back to her van because it’s late.

Daniel is an idol now — one who has put his name among some of the hottest male idols — so things like this are bound to happen, this is not supposed to be anything serious because it’s simply a story created by paparazzi and then further boiling up by netizens.

This is not supposed to be anything serious.

 

————————-

 

It’s about 3AM when Sungwoon gets out of bed to go to bathroom, he is just about to push open the door without much thinking when there’s a noise that sounds like something sharp has dropped to the floor. All of a sudden Sungwoon is feeling a bit scared: There’s no light coming out of the door so supposedly there’s no one using the bathroom — then what’s the noise?

He cautiously opens the door and turn on the light the fastest he possibly can. 

“Oh my god Jihoon why didn’t you turn on —”

Jihoon sitting on the floor with his head down and his back against the wall, his hands holding tightly at one of his thigh and in front of Jihoon there’s a shiny object. Sungwoon walks toward Jihoon, who’s still sitting on the floor curling up his legs.

“Jihoonnie, what are you doing?”  
“Sungwoon hyung! I…. I’m sorry…”  
“……What the hell is this?”

Sungwoon finds himself unable to speak, because the object he picks up is a small but really sharp pocket knife with some blood stain on its tip. He freezes for two seconds, shifting his gaze between Jihoon and the knife before putting it away from Jihoon and grabbing a towel from the closest cabinet.

He runs back to kneel down in front of Jihoon and grabs the boy’s hand.

“Damn it let me see it!”

Sungwoon silently thanks God for His mercy when he sees only a small cut on Jihoon’s thigh. He thrusts the towel to Jihoon’s leg demanding the boy to firmly press the towel on top of his bruise, and Sungwoon quickly moves to clean up the pocket knife and safely folds the blade back into the handle.

Sungwoon comes back to sit down in front of Jihoon, who still has his face down. He lowers his face to check on Jihoon and reach out to wipe away the strings of tears rolling from the corner of Jihoon’s eye.

“I’m glad the damage is small. You drop the knife because you’re scared and it hurts a lot, right?” Sungwoon softly asks.

Jihoon nods.

“Have you done this before?”

Jihoon violently shakes his head.

“But why did you do it just now?”  
“……”  
“Jihoonnie talk to me please.”

Jihoon raises his head to come face to face with the stern-looking Sungwoon, but his eyes floating unable to meet with the older boy.

“… I promise I’ll never do this again, but I can’t talk about it.”  
“This is serious, JIhoon ah. You can’t expect me to just walk away when I see you hurting yourself.”  
“Hyung I’m really not ready to talk about this… and please don’t tell others, please!” 

Lets out a huge sigh of defeat, Sungwoon feels like they’re going back to that stage again — Jihoon setting up that wall around him and not telling them his problem when he’s obviously suffering because of something. He also knows very well that he’ll not get anything out of Jihoon even if they stay here all night.

“……Fine, only this time. But I’m taking that pocket knife away from you for sake of safety.”

Sungwoon finds some ointment and bandage to put on Jihoon’s thigh and pulls the other back up. When they walk back to Jihoon’s room together, Sungwoon gives Jihoon a long and tight embrace before making sure the younger has indeed returned to bed. Sungwoon returns to the bathroom to finish his initial business of going there, his eyes shift to that pocket knife next to the sink. Sungwoon mentally reminds himself that he needs to hide it well so his roommate Jisung doesn’t find it.

 

_Speaking of Jisung hyung…_

 

Sungwoon ponders whether he should tell Jisung about this (and at what timing), or wait for Jihoon to come to his senses. Looking at his own reflection in the mirror, Sungwoon feels like he may have just gotten a few years older the last few minutes.

The last few weeks Jihoon looked perfectly fine, and he just can’t believe Jihoon would do that to himself.

 

————————-

 

Pulling his blanket tighter around himself, Jihoon knows he shouldn’t let that news get to him like this. Because it’s something bound to happen for Daniel. Even if it’s false this time, it will become true somedays in near future.

Jihoon wonders where will he be when that happens.

Perhaps one day, Daniel will have a place to go back to — a place he calls home that’s different from his parents’ home. And he will realize that whatever feeling he has for Daniel isn’t supposed to happen in the first place.  
But then what is this feeling that’s tighten his heart? How much does he have to feel to call it love? Just one embrace from Daniel will probably bring his throbbing heart to peace again, but he can only cry out “I love you” in silence.

He sees Daniel and the girl again, and they look nice together even though there's nothing going on.

 

————————-

 

It’s pouring very hard earlier today in Seoul and the road is still slippery, everyone is being extra careful when stepping out of their van except —-

“Hyung be care —-!!!”

Jihoon’s butt is already on the wet ground before Guanlin has a chance to finish his warning. Guanlin quickly steps out of the van to pull up Jihoon, who’s brushing his wet hands off his not-so-dry jeans.

“Hyung you alright?”  
“I’m ok, let’s go.”

Guanlin tightens his arm around Jihoon’s shoulder as they walk across the parking lot.

To Wanna One members’ dismay, Jihoon’s insomnia has worsen and it’s draining his energy and ability to focus. It has reached the point for Wanna One’s manager to drag Jihoon to the hospital so doctor can prescribe sleeping pills for Jihoon to at least get adequate amount of sleep. No one can deny that Wanna One’s wink angel, whose smile always light up the darkest sky anywhere he goes, now has a grey aura around him and looks like he can collapse anytime. The fans have noticed too how tired Jihoon looks all the time and they’re sending messages of encouragement everywhere possible.

Jihoon knows too damn well that he needs to get better for the sake of his group and himself, but he feels like there’s something slowly eating him away from inside. He wants to fight, but he’s so tired.

Since YMC has also reduced Jihoon’s variety appearances due to his condition, Jihoon is currently all alone in the dorm. The voice of someone calling his name from outside snaps Jihoon out of his zone, he gets up to open the door and see Seongwoo standing on the doorway with two to-go cups in his hand.

“I was grabbing coffee on my way back when I thought you might want to have something sweet. Vanilla latte?”  
“Thanks hyung.”

Jihoon takes the hot chocolate from Seongwoo’s hand with smile, it feels nice that the dorm is not so silent anymore.

“Do you have a moment?”  
“Um… I don’t have anything to do, why?”  
“Take a walk with me.”

 

————————-

 

Sipping at his vanilla latte, Jihoon quietly stands by Seongwoo in the elevator. The older boy hasn’t spoken a word since they step out of their dorm. Jihoon isn’t sure if he should ask Seongwoo either, because he has never seen Seongwoo being so deep in thought.

“Seongwoo hyung why are we here?”

After getting off the elevator Jihoon realizes that they’re at the rooftop level of their apartment building. Seongwoo pushes open the door, and the sky view is surely relaxing and beautiful.

“I just think it’s easier to talk in a different place and atmosphere than the one we live and see 24/7.”

Seongwoo’s larger hand grabs onto Jihoon’s smaller one to bring the younger boy sits down with him on the cool concrete floor.

“Hyung what’s so serious? There’s no one at the dorm we can always just talk there.”

The way Seongwoo looks into his eyes is making Jihoon really nervous, but he tries not to be obvious.

“Jihoon ah, you should be glad that it’s me talking to you right now. You can fool anyone in this house but me, because I’m the only one who understands how you feel.”

“…Hyung…what are you talking about?”

 

“………You have feeling for Daniel, don’t you?”


	5. Secret is Out

It’s like his blood has been drained entirely out of his system, Jihoon’s natural instinct is to run away but Seongwoo is gripping his hand so hard that he can’t pull away. Jihoon struggles and fights against the taller and stronger Seongwoo.

“LET GO OF ME!”  
“PARK JIHOON CAN’T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!”

When Seongwoo is finally able to hold Jihoon still in his arms, he hears soft sobbing coming from the brunette who has his face pressed against Seongwoo’s shoulder. Seongwoo lets out a sigh and reach out to sooth Jihoon’s hair.

“Aigoo… Why are you jumping to conclusion when I haven’t said a thing?”  
“…Hyung are you not mad at me?”  
“Did you not hear a single word I just said? I told you I’m the only one who can understand your feeling, at least for now.”  
“I don’t understand…”  
“…Because I used to like Daniel too.”

Seongwoo can feel the petite body in his arms tenses up. In disbelieve, Jihoon slowly lifts up his head with that pair of large watery eyes wide open, he searches really hard for any hint of joke in Seongwoo’s eyes. 

“Oh, please don’t see me as your enemy Jihoon ah. Daniel is my friend.”  
“But… hyung… when did you…”

Seongwoo smiles, wiping away the tears on Jihoon’s soft cheeks and pulling the boy down to sit together.

“I think it happened sometimes during the group evaluation when we did Sorry Sorry together. And then I kind of had to put that feeling aside, because the competition was getting more and more intense and I really need to focus. Somehow along the way the butterfly feeling just disappeared and I didn’t think about him like that anymore. I guess Daniel and I are just meant to be really close friends like what we are now, and I actually like this way better. Oh just in case you’re wondering, I’ve never told Daniel or anyone else about this so you’re the only one. Now we’re even.”

Jihoon is still stunned because Seongwoo makes it all sound so easy — whether it’s admitting his feeling or letting go of his feeling.

“Weren’t you scared… of your feeling?”  
“You mean my feeling for Daniel?”  
“Yeah”

Much to Jihoon’s surprise, Seongwoo just gives him a shrug.

“I don’t know… Daniel was the first and only guy I’ve ever had a crush on so I guess I probably never really care about the person’s gender. I just never had the chance to realize it because I’ve never experienced it before I met Daniel. How about you? When did you start to realize your feeling for Daniel?”

It takes Seongwoo a few more tries to get Jihoon the spill the beans about how it started, and he can’t hold back his surprise and large grin.

“A FAN FICTION?”  
“Hyung I’m serious… stop laughing!”  
“I know I know, we won’t be having this conversation right now if you aren’t being serious. I just think it’s so cute though, a fan fiction.”

Seongwoo studies Jihoon closely — the flustered boy’s cheeks are already blushing with shades of pink when he talks about realizing his feeling for Daniel.

“Hyung… do you think others have noticed?”

Jihoon asks, his voice full of worry. Seongwoo shakes his head.

“I highly doubt it. They know you’re struggling because of something but they’ll never be able to draw the connection. What do you plan to do next?”

“…Nothing.”

Even a 5-year-old kid can probably say a better lie than Jihoon. What is he? The poor guy in some romance drama helplessly watching over a girl who’s in love with someone else?

“Jihoon, just… just drop everything for once and be honest for your own good, okay?”

“I…” 

Jihoon stops for a moment before looking back at Seongwoo, knowing the older is not letting him off the hook this time. 

“…I want to know how he feels about me… I hope he has a similar feeling for me, but more than anything… I don’t want to lose him.”

 

_This kid is really head over heels in love with Daniel._

 

“It’s up to you how you want to handle your feeling but here’s what I think,” says Seongwoo, his thumb gently soothes the back of Jihoon’s smaller and colder hand that he’s holding. “You should prioritize what you really want, what matters to you the most and work for it. You know how Busan men like to be straight forward so if you want to know how Daniel feels, you need to tell him. If you want things to stay the way they’ve always been and maintain your relationship with Daniel as group mates and hyung-dongsaeng, then you need to do your part as well. You’ll be a mess if you want everything to be perfect, Jihoon ah.”

 

—————————

 

Jihoon soaks his body further into the hot water as he lays in the bathtub, thinking back to his earlier conversation with Seongwoo. 

Part of Jihoon is relieved that at least someone in Wanna One is not going to treat him differently.  
Part of Jihoon is amazed by Seongwoo’s ability to handle his professional and personal relationship with Daniel.  
Part of Jihoon is envious of Seongwoo’s courage to be true to himself.

 

_You should prioritize what you really want, what matters to you the most and work for it._

 

Part of Jihoon wants to be loved by Daniel.  
Part of Jihoon wants to remain close to Daniel.

Resting his head on the edge of bathtub and staring out to the space, Jihoon lets out a heavy sigh.

This is so difficult, and all these back-and-forth thinking is so nerve wrecking. The more he knows that he need to straighten things out, the more exhausted he’s feeling.

 

So sleepy…

 

Wouldn’t it be nice…

 

If I can just wake up and there’s nothing to worry about…

 

—————————

 

“Park Jihoon why are you taking so long? I need to use the bathroom too you know!”

Jaehwan watches in amusement as Woojin knocks at the bathroom door.

“Just use the one on the other side.”  
“Because all my stuffs are on this side, not everyone wash themselves only with water like you hyung.”

Woojin gives Jaehwan a knowing look to which Jaehwan chooses to ignore, and Sungwoon happens to walk by the two.

“What are you guys doing?”  
“Just the bathroom has been occupied by Jihoon for a bit too long for Woojin’s liking.”

Narrowing his eyebrows, Sungwoon walks up to knock on the door and call Jihoon’s name — no answer. He then goes for the door knob, realizing it’s locked.

 

_I promise I’ll never do this again, but I can’t talk about it._

 

“…Jaehwan go get the key for this door.”  
“Huh?”  
“JUST GO GET THE FUCKING KEY!!”

Both Jaehwan and Woojin are taken aback by Sungwoon’s sudden outburst, Jaehwan runs and returns with the key as fast as he can. They push open the door as soon as it's unlocked.

“JIHOONNIE!!!”

 

—————————

 

Daniel, Seongwoo, Jisung, Daehwi and Guanlin have just finished a late night radio appearance which is the last item of their schedule for today. When they are saying goodbye to the host and taking photos for the radio staff, Jisung notices through the window that their manager is busily pacing around while speaking on the phone as if there’s an emergency. As soon as the boys step out of the studio, the manager quickly usher them to get going.

“Hyung why are we running?”

Guanlin is the first to ask, because the manager is practically making them run even though they’re so tired.

“I will explain when we get to the car. Now just move move move!”

The manager’s cell phone rings again when they arrive at their van, the boys sit with silence and curiosity as they watch the manager jumping into the driver’s seat after hurriedly finishing the call.

“Hyung what’s going on? Is something wrong?”

Jisung asks, with concern in his voice. Their manager pauses before answering Wanna One leader’s question with a sigh first.

 

“…Jihoon almost drowned in the bathtub.”

 

———————-

 

Jaehwan pulls Jihoon out of the bathtub just in time.

They are lucky, but it was too close.

After a brief interrogation in which Jihoon says he must have fallen asleep when taking a bath, their managers have no choice but to accept Jihoon’s explanation at least for the time being. The managers decide to let Wanna One rest for the night without additional words, and the main manager pulls Jisung to walk them to the door.

“I’ll talk to the agency tomorrow and see if we should re-evaluate Jihoon’s situation. Nothing official, but just to give you an heads up.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“…I think it’s better if we hault Jihoon’s activity and let him go home for a while.” 

 

———————————-

 

After the managers leave, there’s an uncomfortable silence surrounding Wanna One in the living room. They have so many questions for Jihoon but they don’t know how to open his heart. It’s been so long but Jihoon never tells them anything.

“So are you just gonna continue with this whole game of silence? Hm?”

Jihoon’s head snapped up, it’s Daniel leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Daniel really wants to be a good, loving and understanding hyung in this group. Instead of pushing his dongsaengs to talk, he wants them to feel like they can go to him anytime when they have a hard time. 

But he feels like he’s losing patience with Jihoon, and the frustration is only building.

“Are we not worthy of your trust or something?”

Keeping his mouth tightly shut, Jihoon tears his gaze away from Daniel.  
He understands why is Daniel upset and he has 100% of right to be upset, but the way Daniel looks at him is hurting so much right now.

Being the only person in the room who knows about Jihoon’s secret, Seongwoo doesn’t like the way things are going right now. He gently tugs on Daniel’s arm trying to calm the frustrated boy.

“Niel ah, it’s late and you’re tired. Let's just rest for tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

Daniel forcefully pulls his arm away from Seongwoo, something the Wanna One center has never done to his closest friend.

“Hyung, don’t ‘Niel’ me, okay? We already gave him too many ‘tomorrows’ and ‘we’ll talk later’ , ” says Daniel before turning back to Jihoon again.

“I know we’re only a temperate group, but we’re still a team. You have a lot of things to explain — to your leader, your hyungs, your dongsaengs, it’s your basic responsibility. What are you not telling us?”

Jisung walks back into the living room just in time to see Daniel talking to Jihoon. Others watch the two with worries and keep glancing at Jisung’s direction. He walks up to Jihoon and gently place his hands on the younger’s shoulders.

“I don’t know what’s keeping you away, but I’m always here. Just come to me when you feel more comfortable.”

“JISUNG HYUNG!”

Jisung turns around to face the very upset Daniel, who is now standing right behind Jisung.

“Daniel, not everything is what you see and problems don’t get resolved simply by pushing. Everyone should all be resting because that’s the most important thing for us right now."

Jihoon stares at the back of Jisung's head as their leader and center continue to engage in heated exchange — something these two have never done with each other. Everything Daniel says is true, he has been doing nothing but making everyone worried and causing problems. Jihoon knows that he’s turning into someone his members can’t comprehend, especially Daniel. But so what? Even if everyone knows, isn’t it going to cause a bigger catastrophe…

“I…”

All eyes turn to Jihoon when he finally speaks. Jisung cups the younger boy’s cheeks with both hands, looking straight into his eyes.

“Don’t listen to Daniel, there’s no need to force yourself.”

Feeling so grateful yet so sorry for his leader, Jihoon tears his eyes away from Jisung and looks to Daniel.

“…About what happened earlier, it’s really an accident because I fell asleep… As for other stuffs… there’s no need to talk about it because hyung there’s really nothing you can do.”

This is it. Jihoon is not sure how much longer he can hold onto himself. This the only, the shortest, the most direct and most partially correct answer Jihoon think he can ever give to Daniel.

Staring at Jihoon with wide eyes, Daniel feels like he has just lost the very last bit of calmness and reasoning.

“DANIEL!!!!”  
“DANIEL HYUNG!!!”  
“KANG DANIEL YOU GET OFF HIM IMMEDIATELY!”

Before everyone else has the chance to stop him, Daniel shoves past Jisung and pushes Jihoon to fall onto the sofa behind him. Hovering over Jihoon with one leg kneeling on the sofa, Daniel grabs the younger boy’s collar. Daniel's usually tender and warm eyes are blinded by anger, and he’s unable to see the rising pain in Jihoon’s eyes.

“So I'm the problem here, huh?? It all started when you began to ignore me like I didn't exist, what do you want say about that???”

 

_Daniel hyung is never this angry… it’s all because of me…_

 

“Daniel!! Let go of Jihoonnie first —”

“Jisung hyung please back off! I want this kid to spit it all out today!! Everything we went through together, all the trust we’ve built together just got thrown out of window by you!! One day you decide to ignore me, and all of a sudden you treat me nicely again like nothing happened. I’m worried about you every single day, but you won’t talk to me and you stay so far away from me like I’m some kind of disease!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME???!!!”

 

“BECAUSE I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!”


	6. Circle of Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all the comments :) It's truly an amazing feeling to see so many people waiting for this story.

Other than Seongwoo, there’s not a single person in the living room who is not shocked or doesn’t have their eyes and mouths wide open. As for Seongwoo, he’s rubbing his temple as he can only watch everything unfolds in front of him in the the worst fashion possible.

Watching the sparkling tears falling nonstop from Jihoon’s eyes, Daniel unconsciously loosen his grip and blankly stares at the petite figure below him.

Jihoon doesn’t care if his crying face looks miserable, or if his voice is even understandable. For once he actually doesn’t care what other members think about his feeling for Daniel. Right now he just want to dump everything in front of Daniel, everything that has been suffocating him for the past months — all of him. 

 

It’s not like he can see Daniel in front of him right now anyways, because his vision is completely burred with tears.  
It’s not like he’ll have another chance anyways.

 

“…I… I didn’t know it would become like this, I wasn’t expecting it and I didn’t ask for it. It just happened. Why would I choose to love someone when I have to live with jealousy every single day, and this horrible feeling of wanting to keep all the girls away from you despite knowing that you can pick anyone you want? I know my feeling for you has more harm than benefit for Wanna One, there’s no question about it so I want to let go. I need time and distance in order to let go but you wouldn’t let me! Everything about you is making it harder for me, and I keep feeling like I’m a horrible person. You were right, I didn’t do my job of being a responsible member, because I didn’t want to burden anyone else living under this roof. I’m like this because I care, okay? I care about Wanna One! I CARE ABOUT YOU KANG DANIEL MORE THAN I CARE ABOUT MYSELF! Do you get it? Don’t come yelling at me when you have no idea how tired I am…”

Jihoon stays still for a moment to catch his own breath before the exhaustion sinks in. He pushes Daniel away with the last of his remaining energy and runs back to his room without meeting anyone in the eyes. Jihoon doesn’t bother to turn on the light when he enters the room, but he makes sure to shut the door before dropping himself onto his bed and wrapping himself tightly with his blanket in the dark.

 

Why did I have to confess like that?  
But that’s it, right?  
My relationship with Daniel hyung  
My relationship with Wanna One  
I’m so sorry, everyone  
But I’m so tired

 

——————————-

 

In the living room, the thick air of silence remains as everyone tries to process and digest in their head about what has just happened.

“…I think I made a huge mistake.”

Sungwoon mumurs, causing everyone to look at his direction.

“I knew it, I was supposed to say something about it but —”  
“Sungwoon hyung calm down, you’re mumbling now. What happened? What were you saying?”

Sungwoon frees himself from Jaehwan before whispering “I’ll be right back” and leaving for his room to get something.

“Jihoon wouldn’t tell me the reason but after hearing what he just said, it all made sense,” says Sungwoon, handing the folded pocket knife to Jisung. 

“Pocket knife?”  
“Jihoon tried to hurt himself with that thing.”

Jisung’s head snapped up as everyone gasp in unison, and Sungwoon lowers his eyes.

“It’s probably not visible anymore by now, but he did a small one on his thigh… hyung I’m so sorry, if I had just… I wanted to tell you but Jihoon begged me not to…”  
“When was this? And where?”

Seongwoo softly asks. He understands that Jihoon has been struggling and things are tough for him, but he has no idea Jihoon is hurting so much to the point he has to take it out by trying to physically hurting himself.

“In the bathroom closer to their room, past midnight… I think it was like almost 3.” 

Sungwoon carefully glances at Daniel, who has remained in the same position since Jihoon has left.

 

“…It happened after that news involving Daniel.”

 

——————————-

 

Curling up in his bed facing the wall, Jihoon hears sound of someone opening the door and talking softly as they come in. It must be Woojin and Jinyoung, he thinks to himself and closes his eyes pretending to be asleep. Jihoon then feels someone sitting on his bed behind him, and is now gently soothing his hair that’s not covered by his blanket.

“…Sorry we didn’t know that you were suffering this much.”

Jihoon almost snaps open his eyes when he hears Jisung’s voice. When he feels Jisung leaning toward him to plant a kiss on his head and whisper goodnight, Jihoon feels like he has to keep his eyes shut tightly just so he doesn’t start tearing again. After Jisung leaves the room, Jihoon plans to go back to sleep — or try to sleep.

But then someone turns on the light, causing Jihoon to shift under the sudden change of lighting in the room.

“I know you’re not sleeping, get up.”

It’s Woojin’s voice. Jihoon silently groans before murmuring a barely audible “Not now.”

“Hyung, get up.”

 

_Oh my gosh, Jinyoung too??_

 

With hesitation, Jihoon finally sits up facing his two roommates but doesn’t have the courage to look at them in the eyes.

“…I was really hoping you would tell me something… you know, when you were struggling.”

They all sit on Jihoon’s bed in silence until Woojin speaks up and Jihoon finally looks at him, clearly seeing the disappointment in his friend’s eyes.

“…Sorry… I was just… too scared and I didn’t know how to tell you.”  
“Did you think I would get angry?”  
“…Yeah… or become awkward or not wanting to be in the same group with me.”  
“Am I that kind of person? Seriously?”

 

_Why are you jumping to conclusion when I haven’t said a thing?_

 

Wow, that sounds awfully familiar.

“…I’m sorry.”

Woojin lets out a long and frustrated sigh. Jinyoung moves over without saying a word, wrapping his arms around Jihoon and resting his chin on Jihoon’s shoulder.

“It’s okay… we’re all okay… and we love you.”

The sweet and physical closeness of Jinyoung brings a small smile to Jihoon’s face, he gives the younger’s arm a light squeeze.

“Thank you.”

 

——————-

 

Jaehwan is leaning at the doorway when he sees Sungwoon walking toward him.

“Sungwoon hyung.”  
“I told Daehwi that he can take my bed if he wants to sleep already, but he said he can just squeeze with Guanlin for tonight.  
“It’s probably a more convenient option for him, they are both maknae afterall.”

Sungwoon nodds, while peeking into the room.

“How is he?”  
“…Gonna need a lot of time to process, that’s for sure.”

All the older members are gathering in Daniel’s shared room with Seongwoo and Daehwi. Daniel is sitting on his bed, with his face buried into his arms and still quite shaken from what happened.

“…I fucked up…I shouldn’t have pushed it.”  
“Oh no Daniel… it’s not your fault, it’s not anyone’s fault…”

Minhyun, who’s sitting next to Daniel, reaches out to gently rub Daniel’s back, trying to give the younger boy some strength to hold onto. Things happen at the wrong place at the wrong time, that’s the only explanation.

“Daniel ah, look at me please.”

When Daniel finally lifts his head up to look at Jisung, his eyes are red showing sign of crying as well. 

“I want to ask you something and… it may be difficult but I hope you can be honest with us.”  
“What is it, hyung?”

“What are you more upset about? Your action toward Jihoon, or Jihoon’s feeling for you?”

Daniel tries to think, but his brain is in a messy whirlwind. All he can think of is Jihoon’s agony and suffering, how hard Jihoon was trying to hold on, and how he just kept pushing and pushing without knowing until Jihoon finally broke down. The sight of Jihoon crying under his grip still burns in Daniel’s head.

“…I guess I’m more angry with myself and more concerned about Jihoon’s well-being… About him having feeling for me… at this point I don’t know, to be honest…I haven’t really thought about it… Sorry hyung, my brain is a mess right now and can’t really function.”

Jisung smiles, shaking his head.

“It’s fine, as long as you are not hating Jihoon for that you guys will have a chance to work something out together.”

 

—————————

 

Jihoon forgot to take his sleeping medication last night, so he is surprised when he feels just fine waking up this morning — maybe it’s because he has thrown away a lot of his burden. Checking himself in the mirror after washing his face, Jihoon can already imagine their makeup noona’s horrified scream by the time she sees his super red and poofy eyes.

And then Jihoon thinks back to last night, how he was screaming his heart out and yelling at Daniel without any honorifics.

There are already noises downstairs, meaning some members are up already. He wonders how is Daniel taking this whole situation, what kind of face should he greet Daniel with, what should he say to Daniel…

 

—————————

 

Due to his extreme lack of sleep, Daniel is the last to join the group for a rare breakfast time at the dining table. Jihoon glances at Daniel, who has sat down at the corner across from him before getting up again to pick up something from the refrigerator. Feeling the encouraging look Daehwi and Jinyoung have been sending him, Jihoon nervously gets up to pour a mug of coffee.

“Daniel hyung, I already added your usual cream and sugar for you.”

For a brief moment Daniel's eyes just keep shifting between the coffee and Jihoon, who's holding the coffee with a small, shy smile in front of him. 

 

_Take it… just take it…_

 

Daniel has no idea why is his hand not moving according to his heart’s instruction. It isn't until Jihoon’s smile starts to falter and Jaehwan purposely steps onto his right foot when Daniel finally make a move.

“Oh, thanks…”

Daniel swears someone must have cast some kind of evil spell on him, because he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him either.

Jihoon gives him the mug, but he pulls his hand away when their fingers accidentally touch.

By the time Daniel realizes what has happened, the mug is shattered on the floor and hot coffee is dripping from both of his and Jihoon’s hand. Daniel doesn’t really care about the hot coffee on his hand because it’s not scarily hot and he’ll be fine after rinsing his hand with cold water. 

What hurts Daniel more is to see another cloud of sadness filling Jihoon’s eyes again — when that pair of eyes actually looks brighter this morning before he screws it up again.

Without a word, Seongwoo drags Daniel away from the dining area and pulls into a bathroom so Daniel can wash his hand.

In the dining room area, Guanlin quickly pulls Jihoon to the sink area so he can cool off his hand as well. While Minhyun takes over the role of commander-in-chief, assigning each person a role to clean up broken glasses and spilled coffee, Jisung goes to check on Jihoon.

“Jihoon ah is your hand okay? Did it burn on your legs too?”  
“I’m okay…”

The coffee is not too hot, so his hand is really the last thing on his mind right now.

“Did he… was he afraid of me or… disgusted by —-“

Jisung immediately pulls Jihoon into him, pressing the younger boy’s head hard into his chest. There’s no way he’ll let Jihoon finish that sentence.

“No no that’s not true. Whatever you are trying to say just now, it’s not true. He had a rough time last night and he just needs some time…”

Closing his eyes tightly, Jihoon tries very hard to hold back his emotion. He doesn’t want to break down again in the morning, he doesn’t want to cry again when he’s made enough people worry about him.

But he’s just really scared of the possibility that Daniel may become distant with him.

 

—————————

 

“Niel what happened…? It’s just a freaking coffee…”

Seongwoo sighs in defeat, he really didn’t expect something like that to happen. Daniel doesn’t respond to Seongwoo, because he doesn’t have an answer to Seongwoo's question either.

But Daniel knows that he probably has just led the first opportunity to make things okay again between Jihoon and him slipped through his own fingers.


	7. The Way We Were

Daniel couldn’t believe it when their agency told him that he got an offer from a coffee brand to film an individual commercial. He was thrilled and humbled by the opportunity, but at the same time he also felt disappointed and sorry toward his members because they weren’t able to join him. 

So he returned to their dorm with 3 bags full of to-go coffee cups— using his own money — after finishing with the commercial. It’s not much, but it’s the gesture and heart that matter.

“So I bought several flavors for you guys to choose from, and Minhyun hyung this one is for you.”

Daniel hands the only milk tea beverage to Minhyun, knowing the older boy doesn’t drink coffee. 

“Thanks, that’s very thoughtful of you,” says Minhyun, accepts the drink with a warm smile.

Jisung looks around the table, counting the number of drinks they have.

“Daniel did you get yours too?”  
“No, I already had enough during the filming.”

And then there’s a somewhat awkward moment before Jaehwan speaks up with much hesitation.

“Um… you bought 10…”  
“Yeah?  
“There are only 9 of us here… not counting you.”

It takes Daniel about two seconds to realize what he has forgotten about.

“Oh… yeah right, I forgot…”

Daniel quietly whispers before excusing himself and returning to his room.

Their agency was quick to reach the decision that it’s best for Jihoon to rest at home, and hopefully he can rejoin the group in time for their next comeback when he is mentally and physically ready.

The night before Jihoon’s scheduled departure, Daniel apologized to Jihoon for that morning coffee incident. He reassured the younger boy that he didn’t do anything wrong and it was entirely Daniel’s problem. Jihoon just nodded and smiled, and that was the last communication they’ve had so far.

 

—————————-

 

It’s been almost a week since Jihoon left. Even with the dorm still packed with 10 young men and boys, it surely felt empty without Jihoon.

Seongwoo returns to his room after taking a shower and sees Daniel laying in his bed and staring up to the ceiling.

“Do you miss him?”  
“… I guess, or I wouldn’t buy 10 drinks right? It just feels so weird…”

Daniel glances toward Seongwoo, who looks like he’s getting ready for bed. 

“Hyung, can I ask you something?”  
“Go ahead.”  
“…If I remember correctly, you were the only one who wasn’t surprised with Jihoon’s confession.”

Seongwoo pauses to look at Daniel, who’s now sitting in his bed. Daehwi is still playing cards at Jinyoung’s room so it will be just him and Daniel for a while.

He walks over to shut the door. If Daniel wants to know, this is probably a pretty good timing.

“It’s because I already knew about it, Jihoon and I talked earlier that day,” says Seongwoo, and smiling at Daniel’s surprised expression.

“WHAT?! WHY??”  
“What do you mean by ‘Why’?”  
“Why would he tell you about it?”

“Hey, what is that supposed to mean? Can’t I be a reliable, brotherly figure who helps a beloved dongsaeng’s love life problem?  
“Sorry hyung that’s not what I meant… How did you get Jihoon to talk?”

“Well, I was already 80% sure so all I had to do was to ask him an “Yes or No” question instead of an open ended one. And I told him that because of my personal experience, I would be the only one in the house who could understand him — at that time anyways.”

Daniel frowns, still not getting it.

“What do you mean?”  
“I used to like you, Niel ah.”

And now Daniel finally gets it, but he thinks this must be some kind of joke Seongwoo is pulling because the older boy has always been a mood maker and joker.

“Hyung… that’s not funny.”

Seongwoo laughs, he knew Daniel would not believe him.

“I’m not trying to be funny because it’s true, it started when we did Sorry Sorry together. You know, we are friends now only because at that time I had to put my feeling away to focus on the competition, and before I knew it it’s already gone — or changed for the better.”

Daniel is still in the state of disbelief. He absolutely had no idea that Seongwoo, one of his closest friends from Produce 101, actually had feeling for him that’s more than brotherhood and friendship. What makes it even more unbelievable is the way Seongwoo and him get along now.

“But… you seem to adjust pretty damn well.”  
“When I realized that I wasn’t thinking about you in that way anymore, I thought maybe you and I were just meant to be really good friends and I actually prefer the way we are now. Or maybe I just wasn’t that into you, sorry Niel~~~”

Daniel can’t help but snorts and smiles at Seongwoo, his best friend really is capable of pulling joke anytime he wants. 

“Jihoonnie asked me a similar question too, but everyone is different… He fell pretty hard.”

 

———————-

 

Their agency originally gives it about a month before Jihoon’s return, but Wanna One’s lead dancer is eager to rejoin the group earlier. The members are still worried when they learn that Jihoon will be back after leaving for a little more than 2 weeks. When they meet Jihoon at the dorm for the first time in almost 3 weeks, it’s clear that Park Jihoon, the boy with the nation’s 2nd highest votes, has indeed returned.

Tonight, Daniel pushes open the door of their dance studio, and there is Jihoon staying late again to practice by himself.

“Are you almost done?”

Drying his sweat with towel, Jihoon smiles as Daniel walking into the studio.

“Yeah, actually I was just wrapping up.”  
“You know, you could have asked someone to come practice with you.”

Jihoon kneels down to put his belongings back into his backpack.

“Seongwoo hyung hasn’t been sleeping much lately and he’s already danced so well. Woojin already fell asleep when I was getting ready so…”  
“…You could have asked me too.”

Daniel’s words stop Jihoon from whatever he’s doing, he lifts his head -- with his mouth slightly parted -- to stare at Daniel who’s standing with his hands in his jeans pockets.

“Unless you don’t want to see me.”

Jihoon abruptly stands up.

“No hyung! It’s not like that… It’s just — you are so busy and I just hope you can rest when you have the chance…”  
“Mm, that’s good to know.”

Jihoon silently sighs in relief when he sees Daniel’s facial expression easing up. He quickly lets go of his hands, however, when he realizes that he’s been tugging onto Daniel’s arms.

“Um… hyung I was just wondering… are you still bothered by what I said that night?” Jihoon asks, nervously playing with his fingers.  
“Jihoonnie I wasn’t bothered by it — I mean, yeah I had a hard time processing it but it’s not like I felt disgusted or anything… I just wasn’t sure what’s the right thing to do, for you and for the team."

Biting his bottom lip, Jihoon takes a deep breath.

“Hyung could you do something for me?”  
“What is it?”  
“…Stop thinking about it, I… I don’t like it when you look like you’re troubled by something, especially when I know that I’m the reason.”  
“Jihoon, don’t say that.”

“When I was at home I had a lot of time to think… Wanna One is a temperate group, time flies and before we know it we will be going our separate ways. There are so many things I want us to do together as a group and I really want the most out of our time together…”

Listening to Jihoon, Daniel feels like there’s something stuck in his throat, making him hard to swallow.

“That’s why I wanted to rejoin you guys earlier, I thought this comeback may be an opportunity… Probably not right away but if we can put that aside for now, then maybe things will fall into places naturally…? I really miss the Daniel hyung who’s always so carefree, happy and funny… hyung you’re always so careful around me now.”

“So… you don’t want an answer from me?”

For some reasons Daniel isn’t surprised — whether it’s hearing those words from Jihoon’s mouth, or Jihoon shaking his head with a smile in response to his question.

Maybe Jihoon is afraid to get hurt, maybe Jihoon is afraid that they may become strangers, and he’s saying these things to protect himself…  
But regardless of Jihoon’s motive, Daniel feels like he doesn't have the right to object in his position.

The air seems to stop when neither of them speaks, what lingers is a subtle awkwardness. Jihoon is the first to look away.

“Um… I’m gonna go change, my clothes are all sweaty.”  
“Before you go, answer me one last question… Do you still have feeling for me? Not like friends or brothers or group mates, I'm talking about romantic feeling.”  
“Hyung I already… what’s the point, really?”  
“It’s just one question Jihoonie, one last question. Just tell me the truth, please.”

Jihoon takes another deep breath.

 

_Yeah, it is the last time._  
_Then everything will go back to normal, right?_

 

“…I do.”

Daniel nods in acknowledgment.

“Go change, I’ll wait at the front entrance.”  
“Okay.”

With his cheeks blushing, Jihoon doesn’t dare to look at Daniel when he runs past the taller boy with his bag in one hand.

Daniel still feels like he could have done something for Jihoon, but he’s not sure if he will have another chance.  
Or, has he already lost that opportunity before he’s able to do something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter I plan to introduce some new characters (aka other idol groups), so it'll probably take more time :)


	8. New Friendship

Both Daniel and Jihoon go straight back to working mode after they “settle” everything behind them. They spend more effort in practice and variety shows, they have great improvement in their vocals, and they seem to get along just fine like the way they used to be.

While their progress is a huge relief for other members, they are also a bit worried. But if both Daniel and Jihoon agree to resolve their problem this way, all they can do is let these two be and continue to support and look after them. 

If something is meant to be, maybe these two will have a chance to start over.

 

————————

 

As predicted, Wanna One’s much anticipated comeback is a huge success and their growing popularity has skyrocketed on so many different levels.

For example, Jihoon’s fanbase has always been mostly teenage girls. During this comeback promotion, however, he is very surprised to see that he actually has guy fans too — even among fellow idols.

“Omo~~~ that’s my pick over there!”

Wanna One is greeting Super Junior at the sunbae group’s dressing room. As soon as they finish saying their slogan, Jihoon’s eyes widen when Super Junior’s resident Queen of 4D — Heechul enthusiastically walks over and give him a hug.

 

_Oh my god… it’s Kim Heechul sunbaenim. Super Junior’s Kim Heechul sunbaenim knows who I am and he is hugging me >/////< _

 

Heechul is soon pulled away by his leader Leeteuk who’s standing right behind.

“Hey hey calm down, don’t scare him like that.”  
“I’m not scaring him~~~ I’m just really happy to see him because I voted for him during the show okay?”

Joining the party to add some fuel to the fire are Donghae and Eunhyuk — the world-class famous EunHae CP.

“Next time you better stay away from him.” “You can say no if you don’t want to.”  
“Lee Hyukjae and Lee Donghae… just because you’re done with your military duty it doesn’t mean I’m not your hyung anymore.”

Jihoon was only 7 years old when Super Junior debuted. For a legendary group like Super Junior, and for someone so far away from him like Heechul to support him — Jihoon feels like he has accomplished something in his still very young career.

 

————————

 

“Jihoon ah~ Come here!”

Jihoon turns around to see Minhyun standing at the doorway of their dressing room. Curious, he walks to Minhyun and sees someone else standing behind Minhyun.

“You know Dino right?”  
“Yes, SEVENTEEN sunbaenim…”

Jihoon gives the smiling Dino a slight bow, a bit awkward because he’s never met Dino in person before.

“Anyways, Dino is part of the performance unit that choreographs all of SEVENTEEN’s dances. He really likes what you help to put together this time, and asks me if I can help introducing you guys.”

 

_Really? Someone from SEVENTEEN, a sunbae group that’s known for their creativity, actually likes the stuffs I did?_

 

“You can just call me Dino or Chan, my real name is Lee Chan. Can I just call you Jihoon?”  
“Ah yes but… weren't you born in early 1999? I should call you hyung right?”  
“Yeah but who cares, let’s just be friends~~”

Jihoon can’t help smiling when Dino grabs his hands and swings their hands like little kids. Jihoon hasn’t met many people born in 1999 since he debut, and it never hurts to have one more friend.

 

————————

 

“Sungwoon hyung!”  
“Hey~~ what brings you here?”

The person Sungwoon happily embraces is Jimin from BTS, who’s not only friends with Sungwoon but was also discovered by netizens that he crossed path with Daniel and Woojin many years ago when they participated in the same dance competition in Busan.

“I came to congratulate you of course, I’m so happy our promotion schedules actually overlap this time so we can meet more often,” Jimin grins and also waves hello at Daniel and Woojin’s direction.

Jimin looks around the room and the person he’s looking for is not here.

“Hyung, is Jihoon sshi around?”  
“Um he’s probably somewhere else, do you need something from him?”  
“Well, I told you before that our maknae is a huge fan right? And he’s been nagging me nonstop —-”  
“Hyung you’re not talking anything bad about me, right?”

Jimin’s words are cut off short when a tall and slender figure appears behind him, causing Jimin to jump and turn around with angry face.

“OMG Jeon Jungkook you just scared me… and no, I didn’t say anything bad about you.”

BTS’s drop dead gorgeous and almighty golden maknae just grins at his hyung, and politely bows at Sungwoon.

“Hello, Sungwoon hyung.”  
“Good to see you Jungkook sshi. Anyways, about Jihoon unfortunately l’m not sure — ah there he is.”

When Jihoon walks back into the dressing room with Jisung and Daehwi, he isn’t expecting to have his eyes directly met with Jungkook’s. Surprised, he sees Sungwoon waving at his direction and telling him to go over.

When Jimin tells him that Jungkook is his fan, Jihoon is shock and humbled by the appreciation. He has always known Jungkook to be someone insanely handsome and capable of doing pretty much anything.

 

_Why would he be my fan? It’s not like I have something he doesn’t have…_  
_…gosh he looks even better in real life, he’s got the height too…_

 

“Wait, Jihoon sshi you’re born in 1999? Two years younger than Jungkook?”  
“Yes.”

Jimin blinks twice before eyeing Jungkook.

“Is that why you want to meet him so badly? So you can be hyung for once in your life.”  
“Hyung!!! Oh my god that’s not true!!”

 

————————

 

Daniel is happy with all the love calls and appreciation Jihoon has been receiving from their colleagues. Jihoon is very talented and hardworking, but people always seem to focus on his look more than anything. When they were filming for Produce 101, a lot of people didn’t understand what made Jihoon so special for him to rank that high because the camera always just focus on his wink and his good look. Jihoon worked very hard for this comeback, and Daniel is glad that people are recognizing what Jihoon is capable of.

There’s one person, however, that Daniel can’t really seems to grasp and it’s none other than Jungkook. Because of their overlapping promotion schedules, the BTS maknae often visits Jihoon at the Wanna One dressing room, sometimes Jungkook brings Jihoon to their dress room and the entire BTS has also gotten acquainted with Jihoon by now.

Like how Daehwi describes the first meeting between Jungkook and Jihoon, “Jungkook sunbaenim’s eyes literally sparkled when he saw Jihoon hyung.”

Daniel can totally see that “sparkle” in Jungkook’s eyes just now, the way he looks at Jihoon when Jihoon is laughing at something he said — probably something interesting.

“You’re not jealous, are you?”

Daniel swiftly turns his head, not realizing Seongwoo is sitting right next to him.

“Hyung how long have you been sitting here?”  
“Long enough to notice your not-so-happy stare at Jihoon and his new friend.”

Daniel rolls his eyes.

“I wasn’t staring at them, and why would I be jealous?”  
"Because in reality you and Jihoon don't really do conversations, and they seem to have never-ending topics to chat about."  
"I'm not."  
“Okay fine, if you say so.”

Seongwoo shrugs, putting his earphone back on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter (?) but I'm gonna stop here for better story flow :)


	9. Confession, Confusion,  Jealousy

A video of Jihoon and Jungkook exploded on the Internet.

Both BTS and Wanna One were among the starry lineup of idol groups attending an outdoor music festival together. It was raining a little bit, the fireworks began to play toward the end of encore when all the singers were still on stage, and there were firework dust blowing in addition to confetti that’s already flying around the outdoor venue.

In a video recorded by a BTS fan, it looked like Jungkook was searching for someone while walking on the stage. When he appeared to be standing in front of Jihoon, he took off his jacket and held it above Jihoon and himself. Jungkook held one side, Jihoon held the other and both of them looked absolutely adorable standing side by side under Jungkook’s jacket. Jungkook even places his arm around Jihoon’s waist to keep the shorter boy under his jacket umbrella and away from all the rain and dust.

The video went viral and fans of both fandoms went crazy about this newly discovered and unexpected idol friendship. Fans commented on how boyfriend-like Jungkook was in the video and how cute Jihoon looked standing next to Jungkook. When BTS or Wanna One made radio show appearance, even the radio hosts asked Jungkook and Jihoon about the captured moment and their friendship.

So yes, it would be an understatement to say Jungkook is not gradually getting to Daniel's nerve.

 

—————————-

 

“Jihoonnie where are you going? It’s late.”

Minhyun asks. They are sitting in the living room watching TV when they see Jihoon hurriedly running to pull out his shoes.

“BTS sunbaenim will be out of country tomorrow for a while and Jungkook hyung said he already bought me a Christmas present, he’s downstairs in the parking lot right now.”  
“I’ll go with you.”

As soon as Minhyun and Jihoon are out of sight, Jaehwan turns to Daniel who has been awfully quiet every time BTS’s golden maknae’s name is mentioned.

“So you really are jealous.”  
“Let me guess, it’s from Seongwoo hyung.”  
“Yeah at first, but it’s pretty obvious now in case you haven’t noticed.

Daniel lets out an inward sigh, blankly staring at the TV screen. All of a sudden whatever is on doesn’t look interesting anymore.

“…I don’t exactly have the right to be jealous, do I?”

 

———————

 

Thanks to Jungkook’s detailed description, Jihoon is able to spots Jungkook’s car immediately. Jihoon gently knocks on the window and Jungkook quickly opens the door of the passenger’s seat.

“Hey, sorry to make you come down here at this hour. Good evening, Minhyun hyung,” says Jungkook, also giving Minhyun a proper greeting when he sees the older boy standing next to Jihoon.

“Good to see you too, Jungkook.”  
“Hyung, thank you so much. I should be the one going to your place to pick it up, though.”

Jihoon smiles, accepting the gift bag Jungkook heads him.

“It’s nothing big, hope you I like it.”

Seeing how Jihoon is about to bid goodbye because Minhyun is there waiting for him, Jungkook grabs onto Jihoon’s wrist — very much to Jihoon’s surprise.

“Minhyun hyung, I know it’s probably not an appropriate timing, but may I talk to Jihoon alone about something? It won’t be long, I promise.”

Minhyun is also very surprised. He looks at Jungkook, the boy looks sincere and if it’s something important…

“Okay, I’ll wait outside the car.”  
“Thank you hyung.”

Minhyun steps away and has his back leaning against the car, giving the two some privacy.

 

—————————-

 

Jihoon can’t believe Jungkook just pulls him into the car and closes the door.

“Hyung what’s going on? I can’t have Minhyun hyung waiting for me like that!”  
“I thought you would come by yourself so we could talk… sorry.”

Jihoon frowns because Jungkook seems weird today, like he’s bothered by something.

“Hyung are you okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine…”

Jungkook trails off before leaning toward Jihoon and pulls the younger boy in for a hug, wrapping his arms around Jihoon’s neck. It’s not like they haven’t hugged before, but this one feels different. Jihoon carefully puts his arms around Jungkook’s lower back.

“Hyung… did something happen?”  
“…Jihoon ah… um… I was wondering if we could try to date?”  
“WHAT?!”

Jungkook quietly releases Jihoon, looking straight into Jihoon’s widen pair of eyes.

“Yeah, dating, you and I.”  
“But… but aren’t we friends?? I mean, you are my hyung but we get along like friends… Why???”  
“Because I really enjoy it when I’m with you.”  
“But —-”

Seeing how speechless, nervous and shock Jihoon must be feeling because he can’t even get his words out, Jungkook knows that he must have scared Jihoon. He tries to calm Jihoon down with smile.

“Don’t stress yourself too much about it, I just thought that maybe we can try to bring it to another level… It’s not like we have to be anything official or do anything specific right away.  
“I…”  
“You don’t have to answer me right away, I know I must have scared you. I hope I can talk to you more but since I’m leaving for LA tomorrow and I can’t keep you out here for too long… can you at least consider it though?

Jihoon just can’t bring himself to keep rejecting Jungkook.

“I… I will think about it, and I’ll let you know… is that okay?”  
“Yeah, whatever your decision may be, just let me know. Good night, sorry for keeping you out so late.”  
“No, no problem at all… good luck with your overseas activity too.”

 

—————————-

 

Jisung and Sungwoon were just getting ready for bed when Jihoon peeked into their room and asked if they have time to talk. Now both of them have their mouths opened and their eyes opened even bigger when Jihoon drops the news.

“Dat — Dating?! From Jungkook sshi?”

Jihoon thought about talking to his roommates about it, but later decided it’s better to consult with the oldest hyungs of their group. Other than Minhyun — who found out right after Jihoon’s talk with Jungkook — Jisung and Sungwoon, Jihoon doesn’t want too many people to know about this and it’s mainly because of Daniel.

“…What do you think?”

Jisung and Sungwoon look to each other.

“Well… Jungkook sshi is a good person and of course your happiness is the most important, but I think you need to be honest with yourself too,” says Jisung. “If you’re not honest with yourself, you can’t treat the other person with all your heart and that’s not fair for the other person either.”  
“..Yes, I know. Good night hyungs.”  
“Good night Jihoonnie…”

 

Jungkook is very handsome, very talented, treats Jihoon very well… the list can go on.  
But there’s something missing.

 

No butterflies when Jungkook hugs him, no blushing when Jungkook calls him cute, and definitely no bittersweet…

 

It’s just not the same kind of feeling like the one he gets from Daniel.

 

—————————-

 

Alone in the dance studio, Daniel finally decides to take a break after another failed b-boy spin -- something he could have easily done if his mind is focused.

A while ago, he has just heard from Minhyun about Jungkook asking Jihoon out and Jihoon has yet to give an answer.

“Jihoon doesn’t want too many people including you to know about this, but I think it’s important,” says Minhyun, pulling Daniel into an currently unoccupied room at their dorm. “Please be honest with yourself. If there’s something on your mind, just tell him. Don’t miss out on another opportunity to make things right and move forward. The fewer regrets you have, the better things will be for all of us.”

Daniel sits for a while with his back leaning agains the giant mirror of their dance practice room before taking out a cell phone from his bag. He hasn’t called his parents in a long time and he misses them.

“Hey Mom.”  
“Ah~ Niel is everything okay?”  
“It’s good, just feel like haven’t talked to you and Dad for a while… Um, Mom can I ask you something?”  
“Go ahead.”  
“…I’m just curious…Do you still remember what Dad said to you when he proposed?”  
“Why? Are you seeing someone?”  
“Oh no no it’s not like that. I’m just looking for lyrics ideas.”

Daniel quickly makes up something to brush off his mom’s question, then he hears giggles from the other side of the phone.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me unless you’re ready.”  
“Mom…”  
“Okay fine I’ll stop there. Anyways, of course I remember your Dad’s proposal. It was sweet and romantic back then but now when I think about it, it’s so cheesy and I actually have no idea why did I say Yes~~~ But at the time it definitely did the magic, and I guess that’s what marriage proposal is supposed to be like?”  
“And what was it?”

 

“Truthfully speaking, I am not 100% sure if I could give you the life you deserve. But this I know for 100%: My life would not be complete without you.”


	10. Stay with Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been following some very very amazing stories on this forum and I feel like I'm kind of rushing with mine ^^;;; Currently I'm a bit stuck with the next chapter's story flow (I have the pieces but need to "glue" them together lol) so I'm going to give myself some time to work on it (also because I'm going to be quite busy the next several days). Sorry for everyone who's waiting for daily update :(

“Hyung I’m really sorry.”

It would be an understatement to say Jungkook isn’t disappointed, and it partially has to do with his natural instinct of hating to lose. He also understands that Jihoon must have thought a lot about it, or else Jihoon wouldn’t have called him when he’s still in LA and they have barely communicated since their last meeting.

“I really appreciate your friendship and that’s why I can’t bring myself to half heartedly “try” to date you, because you deserve so much better than that… Are we still cool?”

Jungkook smiles, knowing the other boy is trying desperately hard to not make him feel bad.

“Of course, and thanks for letting me know… can I ask you something though?”  
“Yes hyung?”

Walking to the window of their dorm, Jungkook looks down to the LA highways that are still incredibly busy in midnight.

“…Is it because of Kang Daniel hyung?”

Jihoon’s mind is in a whirlwind — how in the world did Jungkook find out?  
Jungkook knows that he’s right, given there’s only silence on the other side of the phone.

“So it is true. Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone, it’s safe with me.”  
“…Hyung, how did you…”

Jungkook can’t help but chuckle at the astonishment in Jihoon’s voice.

“You mean how did I find out? Just a bunch of little things, like how your facial expression looks different when you talk about him… it’s obvious.”

Jihoon lets out a sigh of defeat.

“I’m sorry… I really didn’t mean to.”  
“No it’s not your problem, it was my bad to intrude thinking I may have a chance. So are you guys are doing okay?”

Now Jihoon finally gets where Jungkook is coming from.

 

_He thought Daniel hyung and I were a couple and we were just having some issues._

 

“Hyung there isn’t anything for you to intrude… It’s one sided, I’m just a dongsaeng to Daniel hyung.”  
“Really? I thought you guys are together because he’s been giving me looks.”  
“What looks?”  
“Whenever I talked to you and he was around, I could feel him glaring at me sometimes but most of the times he just barely acknowledge my existence. That’s when I thought that you guys were together but probably had a fight or something and he was jealous… so I was wrong?”

Jihoon frowns listening to Jungkook.

There must have been some misunderstanding because Daniel is not like that and Jihoon doesn’t like it when other people have bad impression of Daniel. More importantly, why would Daniel glare or be jealous at Jungkook anyways?

Jihoon is about to say something when the staff calls on Wanna One to get ready for the next part of their photoshoot for the new Innisfree campaign. 

“Sorry hyung I need to get back to my photoshoot. Daniel hyung is not a bad person and I think it’s just misunderstanding. I will talk to you later okay? Bye!”

Jihoon hurriedly ends the call and returns the phone back to their manager. By the time Jihoon runs back to the set, everyone else is already there waiting for photographer instruction.

“Sorry hyung, did I miss anything?” 

Jihoon quietly asks Sungwoon while catching his breath.

“Nope we all just got here too. So, is everything settled?” 

Sungwoon asks Jihoon with a knowing look, he knows the younger boy is supposed to call Jungkook today.

“Yeah.”

“Good to know, I’m proud of you.” And the two exchange a smile.

 

The members are standing behind the photographer and reviewing the photos they have just taken. The photographer asks Daniel and Jihoon to return to the set because he wants to make some adjustment.

“Daniel sshi, could you carry Jihoon sshi on your back? Like a piggy ride.”  
“But I…”

All eyes including Daniel’s are on Jihoon, who suddenly speaks and it looks like his not comfortable with the idea.

“Is there something wrong, Jihoon sshi?”  
“No but… I may be too heavy for Daniel hyung because I just had two bowls of noodles @.@”

The Wanna One members included, the entire studio bursts into laughter at Jihoon’s innocent but serious concern.

“I’m sure you’re perfectly fine for Daniel sshi to carry even with an additional bowl of noodle, just give it a try and we’ll see how it goes.”

Meanwhile, other Wanna One members also can’t wait to see the two engaging in a closer interaction — even if it’s just for a photoshoot. It’s true that Daniel and Jihoon get along just fine as they carry on their everyday business, but one also can’t disregard the subtle and polite distance the two unconsciously keep with each other.

“Don’t worry about it, just hop on!”

Patting his shoulder with a smile, Daniel has already lower his body in front of Jihoon. Jihoon carefully puts his hands and body weight on top of that 60cm-wide shoulders. Daniel’s back is so warm and it feels so good — too good that Jihoon’s heart is beating so fast and he’s afraid Daniel may feel it.

With Jihoon’s legs secured in his arms, Daniel easily stands up with Jihoon on his back.

“Jihoon ah.”  
“Oh no, hyung am I heavy ? >.<”  
“You need to eat more, you’re light as a feather.”

 

It feels good to have Jihoon close to him, and Daniel’s even happier to feel Jihoon’s heartbeat on his back.

 

——————-

 

Wanna One is hosting an album signing event today at the biggest CD store in Seoul and tons of fans have been wait in line for hours. For security reasons, fans are not allowed to bring anything other than Wanna One’s albums when they approach the table Wanna One members are sitting at.

“Hey! No present!”

Jihoon feels sorry when a girl was stopped by the staff member when she wants to give Jihoon a present. She is now pleading back and forth with the staff that the gift is from her friend who’s a huge fan of Jihoon and is now diagnosed with cancer, and it will mean the world to her friend if Jihoon can accept it. The situation is kind of stuck and awkward because the girl doesn’t plan to leave on her own, there are still many fans waiting to have their albums signed, and things won’t look good for Wanna One if the security has to remove a fan by force.

“It’s okay, I can take it.”  
“Oh my god Jihoon oppa you’re the best!”

The event staff and security are not happy but Jihoon takes the gift anyways, and the girl proceeds to get autograph from Guanlin who sits next to Jihoon.  
Jihoon is always curious to find out what his fans have prepared for him, so he takes a sneak peek into the bag trying to figure out what is it without opening the whole thing.

All of a sudden, the girl runs back to Jihoon’s table and pulls out the object from the bag — it’s a knife hidden under all the cute and fancy gift wrapping. Jihoon’s mind goes blank and before he realizes what is the girl trying to do to him, his view is blocked by a larger body and he can’t see anything other than hearing lots of noises of security shouting and tackling down the girl, and gasp and scream coming from fans and other Wanna One members.

“You okay?”

A familiar voice snaps Jihoon out of his zone of shock, Jihoon lifts up his head and there is Daniel standing in front of him and hugging Jihoon’s face close to his chest.

“Yes, I’m fine…”

But Jihoon soon notices there’s something not fine about Daniel when he sees the older boy wince, and the change of Guanlin’s facial expression from shock to horror.

“Daniel hyung… you're bleeding…”

They all see blood emerging from a knife cut on the back of Daniel’s suit. Unable to bear his pain, Daniel can only slowly lowers his body on top of Jihoon for support.

“DANIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!”  
“HYUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The signing event has to be canceled immediately, and the security clears out all the crying fans who unfortunately have to witness the entire episode with fear and disbelieve. The on-site team of medical staff says it’s best not to move Daniel before the ambulance gets here so Jihoon also has to stay on the floor for the time being. All the Wanna One members -- some of them already in tears -- gather around Daniel and Jihoon, encouraging Daniel to stay strong by holding his hands and talking to him while the on-site medical staff performs emergency routine to control Daniel’s bleeding.

The pain is making it hard for Daniel to breath normally, but he shifts his head slightly anyways to look at Jihoon who’s lying beneath him right now — the younger boy is trying his best not to cry but failed because there are tears falling out from corner of his eyes.

“…Seems like I always make you cry.”

Jihoon is scared to death right now but he really doesn't want to show it -- not with Daniel suffering and probably feeling more scared than anybody. With his voice now half whisper and half sobbing, Jihoon shakes his head as he cups Daniel’s face with both hands and brushes away Daniel’s hair that’s drenched in sweat.

“No, hyung just… just look at me and don’t say a word… Keep your energy… I’m here, we’re here…everything will be okay…”


	11. What Do You Say

The rest of Wanna One members are on their way back to their dorm because they are unable to go to hospital with Daniel due to security concern. The van is silent with only sound of Jihoon’s sobbing in the air. Still very shaken and upset, Jihoon has been crying ever since they part way with Daniel.

“It’s all my fault… I shouldn’t have done that!!”

Jisung can only lets out a sigh and buries Jihoon’s head into his shoulder, trying to give the younger some comfort.

While stopping for red light, their manager looks at the rear mirror.

“Jihoon ah, it’s not your fault, stop beating yourself up. I wouldn’t even call that girl an Anti fan — she is a lunatic killer who used your love for fans because you are a good person and you always want to do something for them. It’s her fault, not yours, period. And I’m sure Daniel wouldn’t want you to think that way.”

 

———————

 

When Daniel shoved himself in front of the girl, she was knocked off balance and therefore missed her aim. Thanks to their cody noonas’ high-standard taste of only picking outfits with best material and the last-minute decision to add a suit vest for Daniel, the cut near Daniel’s left shoulder blade isn’t deep. Daniel does have to stay in the hospital for observation after a small surgery and he is not allowed to dance until the wound is healed. 

“The scar is still going to leave a mark on your back, but it’s much much better than I expected,” the surgeon says while examining Daniel’s scar when he returns for a pre-scheduled checkup. 

“My member Jihoon takes care of it for me every night,” Daniel answers with a grin.

“He’s doing a fantastic job then.”

After Daniel is discharged from the hospital and returns to their dorm, Jihoon volunteers to help taking care of Daniel’s wound every night. Daniel actually had to comfort Jihoon when the younger pulled down Daniel’s button-up shirt and felt overwhelmingly guilty again when he saw the wound for the first time.

Sometimes, good thing comes at the worst moment.

Leaving Daniel and Jihoon alone in Daniel’s room after Daniel finish taking shower is now an unspoken rule at Wanna One’s dorm. No one initiates it, no one asks for it, other Wanna One members just naturally want to give the two some space. 

Jihoon will share with Daniel things that happened at work — from Woojin’s lame joke that caused absolute silence in their van to Jaehwan’s new personal trick for variety shows.  
Daniel will share with Jihoon funny stuffs he saw on the Internet and cool music and dance video he discovered — mainly because Daniel actually has some free time for once since the start of Produce 101.

It’s like going back to the good old days and neither of them remembers when’s the last time they were this close. Jihoon always says “I hope the mark won’t be too bad,” but Daniel doesn’t really care. If there’s going to be a mark on his back forever because of what he did — by protecting Jihoon from harm — then so be it.

 

————————

 

Daniel opens the door of their dorm with a huge grin on his face when he sees two people he has been missing a lot.

“Hey Mom~ Hey Dad~”  
“Niel ah~~~”

Daniel’s parents are visiting from Busan today. Right after Daniel was injured, only Daniel’s mom was able to travel to Seoul immediately because his dad was away on business trip. Daniel’s mom stayed until Daniel’s condition stabled and was discharged from the hospital, and she came to visit him again with Daniel’s dad.

After hugging both his parents, Daniel can’t help noticing the huge and heavy suitcase his mom has brought with her as if she is going to a week-long trip.

“What is this?”  
“Your mom prepared some food at home for you to share with your members,” says Mr. Kang. “How’s your wound? So sorry I couldn’t be here for you.”

“Don’t worry Dad, I can resume my activities with the group starting tomorrow,” says Daniel, putting his arm around his dad’s shoulder as they walk to the kitchen area where Mrs. Kang is busily taking out all the food she has packed and putting them into the refrigerator.

Mr. Kang looks around the dorm and notices how quiet it is.

“Are you by yourself?”  
“Yeah, they are doing several schedules in smaller groups today.”  
“I see. Well, we were actually hoping to see Jihoon today, especially your mom.”

 

_…Jihoon?_

 

Daniel feels like his heart has just skipped a beat when his parents mention Jihoon’s name.

“For what?”  
“I saw some stuffs on the Internet and they’re just so upsetting,” says Mrs. Kang without looking up. “There are people blaming Jihoon for what happened, saying it wouldn’t have happened if Jihoon had just let security handles the girl. Seriously, some people just have no shame.”

Mrs. Kang sounds upset as if she is reading those comments right now — and it’s visible in her action, as she places the lunch boxes onto the refrigerator with more force than necessary.

“Mom…”

Mr. Kang pats Daniel’s left shoulder in a comforting manner.

“We talked to Jihoon’s mom on the phone and got worried when we heard that he’s been struggling. Your mom wanted to see for herself so here we are.”

Daniel quietly nods when Mrs. Kang lets out a sigh as she closes the refrigerator.

“A while ago, didn’t the agency even send Jihoon home to rest for a while? Poor boy… he must have been going through a lot of stress already and now this… Aish! I hate that crazy girl.”

Nervously clenching his fist near his tight, Daniel ponders momentarily before he slowly speaks up.

“About that… about Jihoon going home for a while… it was because of me.”

Mr. and Mrs. Kang look to Daniel with surprise and confusion in their eyes.

“What do you mean?”

Daniel looks serious and nervous when his eyes meet his parents’ questioning and concerned gaze — first his mom and then move to his dad.

“…Can we talk in my room? Since you guys are here today, I might as well…”

 

————————

 

Several of them have just finished with a radio broadcast when a manager tell tell them that they may see Daniel’s parents when they return to the dorm. 

Jihoon freezes upon hearing the news, because he is not ready to face Daniel’s parents for various reasons. When they return to the dorm and see Daniel and his parents walking down the stairs, Jihoon bows and then quietly stands behind other members when everyone else is happily greeting Daniel’s parents.

“…Jihoon?”

It feels like there’s something stuck in his throat when he sees Mrs. Kang walking past Guanlin and Jisung and now standing in front of him. Jihoon doesn’t know what to say, and he’s feeling even more helpless and confused when Mrs. Kang’s eyes get watery and her hands raised to cover her nose and mouth as if she’s trying not to cry. The members are throwing questioning glances at Daniel, who only answers their curiosity by shaking his head with a small smile on his face.

Mr. Kang walks up to his wife and shakes her shoulders.

“Dear, you know it’s scary to stare at people like that.”  
“Oh no it’s okay!,” Jihoon immediately answers without thinking. “I’m just… not sure what is appropriate for me to say…”

Fanning herself with her hands, Mrs. Kang regains control of her emotion.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something,” says Mrs. Kang and she gently hugs Jihoon’s shoulders. “Daniel said you’ve been taking care of him, thank you.”

 

————————

 

Unlike their previous special night time sessions, both Daniel and Jihoon are mostly quiet tonight. 

“…The doctor said my wound is completely healed.”  
“Mm… so I probably don’t need to help you anymore starting tomorrow?”  
“…Yeah.”

And then it’s quiet again. Jihoon puts on the last piece of medical gauze and helps to pull Daniel’s t-shirt back on.

“…Honestly speaking, I was scared to see your parents today.”

Daniel turns to look at Jihoon, who has a somewhat sad expression while sitting next to him.

“Were you worried about what they might say?”  
“Yeah…”  
“They were worried about you and they were upset with those comments,” says Daniel, looking straight into Jihoon’s eyes. “Don’t take those comments to heart, they’re not true and those people are just there to cause trouble and misery.”

Looking somewhat more relaxed, Jihoon nods in response.

“Thanks… and I can return something similar to you too.”  
“What?”  
“When we were waiting for the ambulance, you looked at me and said how you always seems to make me cry… do you remember?”

Daniel nods, of course he remembers because that was the first thing that went through his mind.

“It’s not true either, because you’ve given me so much more than that.”

Jihoon is smiling at him, it’s so beautiful that all of a sudden all Daniel can do is stare. The first to look away is Jihoon, who is getting a bit embarrassed and flustered with the atmosphere of this room and the way Daniel looks at him.

“Well… good night, hyung.”

Jihoon looks down to a hand that’s grabbing on his wrist as soon as he gets up. Without a word, Daniel quietly pulls Jihoon back and he moves from grabbing on Jihoon’s wrist to holding both of the younger’s hands.

“Daniel hyung?”  
“…I told them everything.”  
“Who?”  
“My parents, I told them everything that happened between us. The stuffs you went through, the stuffs I did… everything.”

Widening his eyes and staring at Daniel in disbelieve, Jihoon feels like his heart is sinking and his hands are getting cold. Jihoon snatches his hands out of Daniel’s grip but before he can get away, Daniel pulls him back and Jihoon falls on Daniel’s lap in the end.

“Jihoonie, listen to me please,” says Daniel, locking Jihoon tightly in his embrace. There is no way he will let Jihoon leave the room without having heard what he wants to say.

“…Why? Hyung why did you have to tell them???!!!!!!”  
“Because they need to know that their son is in love with someone and he screwed up too many times!!!!!”

Daniel loosens his arms around Jihoon a little bit when feels the younger boy is no longer fighting to get away from him. Turning to look at Daniel with his mouth slightly dropped, Jihoon quietly searches for any hint of joke and false information in Daniel’s eyes. 

“…What?”

Keeping his arms around Jihoon’s waist, Daniel can feel his mouth getting dry as he tries to formulate his thought into comprehensible words.

“I still regret not having the guts to straightening things out with you early, but I was so confused and didn’t know how to react. I should have at least told you that you didn’t do anything wrong, but I didn’t. When you said we should put it behind us, I really didn’t want to but I couldn’t say anything because I didn’t think I have the right to tell you what to do. And then there’s Jongkook sunbae… I hated how he was able to get close to you so quickly, I hated the way others talked about you two together, and I hated how he was able to make you smile when I seemed to have make you suffer most of the time… Minhyun hyung told me that he already confessed to you and I —”

“I already rejected him.”

Daniel looks to Jihoon who has softly cut off his rambling. Jihoon can’t help finding the surprised expression on Daniel’s face to be funny.

“…Did you? When?”  
“The same day we did the new photoshoot for Innisfree. I just can’t lie to myself and half heartedly try to love someone. He’s a really good person, but we’re just sunbae-hoobae type of friends now.”  
“Oh…,” Daniel trails off, feeling relieved for a moment but soon realizing he’s not yet finished. “Anyways, what I’m trying to say is… I love you and… I really don’t want to see you feeling hurt again.”

Since Jihoon is still sitting on Daniel’s lap, their faces are close to each other — so close that Jihoon can feel Daniel’s breathing on his face. Jihoon lowers his eyes, Daniel’s gaze shifts from Jihoon’s super long eyelashes to that pair of pink lips that look so soft and delicate. Daniel leans in a little bit more but only to have Jihoon backing away when their noses touch.

“Hyung are you forcing yourself? Just to make me not sad anymore?”  
“Why would I force myself to kiss someone? This is not a variety show we’re doing.”  
“I… We just can’t.”  
“Jihoonie.”  
“What are the guys going to think? And how is this going to affect our team if people find out? And our families… I still have an older brother but hyung you are the only child… Your parents would want you to have a family and have kids somedays, and I can’t give you that…”

Daniel just looks at Jihoon, digesting the words Jihoon has just said.

“So what do you want for us in the future?”  
“…Just like how we used to be.”

Raising his eyebrows, Daniel tilts his head a little bit. Jihoon just said something that falls exactly within Daniel’s prediction.

“Really, so are you okay with me dating girls now? If one day I decide to get married, will you happily serve as my best man?”

Just the thought of Daniel introducing a girl to them, the girl would become Daniel’s lifelong companion for the rest of his life, and they would have beautiful children together is enough to make Jihoon’s large eyes watery again.

“…Can you do that? Because I can give you some time to think about my confession, but I will only accept No as answer if it’s because you don’t have feelings for me anymore,” Daniel reaches out to wipe away a trail of tears that has escaped from the corner of Jihoon’s eye. “But I think you already said Yes, because you’re already thinking about making a family with me.”

Daniel just can’e help smiling and planting a kiss on Jihoon’s cheek that’s blushing furiously.

“About our members, I actually think they want us to be together. If not, Minhyun hyung wouldn’t warn me not to mess up on another opportunity, Seongwoo hyung and Daehwi wouldn’t give us all these time to be alone, I mean this is also their room… All those suffering, worrying, guessing and arguing that we had before, those weren’t healthy for our team. The fewer regrets we have, the happier we are, the better for the team.”

“But hyung… your parents…”  
“What’s so good about having a daughter-in-law and a biological grandkid, when their only child isn’t happy? They would want me to be happy more than anything, besides I already told them that I will confess to you today.”

“…But —”  
“No more ‘but’ , Park Jihoon were you even listening when I was doing all these talking?”

Jihoon feels like his head is swirling and his heart is beating like crazy. He’s not sure what to believe in, he has thought about all sorts of outcome for him and Daniel but this one is completely out of his imagination. Daniel confessed to him, tried to kiss him, and told him that other people would want this to happen… what the hell is going on?

“So… what do you say?”

The feeling of Daniel’s hands caressing his cheeks brings Jihoon back to the present time. When Jihoon hesitates for seconds before quietly wrapping his arms around Daniel’s neck and burying his face on Daniel’s shoulder, Daniel knows that would be an Yes from the younger boy. 

And then Daniel feels a soft peck on the corner of his lips.

With one hand firmly holding onto Jihoon’s waist, Daniel moves the other hand to the back of Jihoon’s neck to pull the younger into a proper kiss. Jihoon’s lips have always looked soft, but Daniel didn’t know they can be this soft until the moment their lips touch. Jihoon, on the other hand, is too nervous to breath when Daniel’s warm lips begin to gently caress his own, and he is only able to catch his breath when he starts patting Daniel’s shoulders signaling the older boy to release him.

Not satisfied with just one kiss, Daniel is about to pull Jihoon closer to him once again when there’s a knock on the door.

“Daniel hyung may I come in? I need to pick up my clothes for shower.”  
“Yeah, come on in.”

Daehwi is not expecting to see what is right in front of him right now as he opens the door. When Jihoon see Daehwi — who has his eyes widen and his mouth in a shape of O — that’s when he realizes that he’s still sitting on Daniel’s lap with Daniel’s arm on his waist. Before Jihoon can say a word or do anything else, Daehwi is already screaming “EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!” on his way out and his high-pitch voice echoing throughout the dorm, leaving Jihoon gawking at the unclosed door.

“Told you they’re okay with it,” Daniel smiles, stealing a quick peck on Jihoon’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy that I finally get these two together and we can move onto the steamy part~


	12. With Happiness Comes Insecurity

It’s rare for Wanna One to spend night at a hotel in Korea. But since their last schedule of the day ended late and they have to rehearse for a music festival in another city next day morning, their agency is making it an exception this time. Daniel is surprised to see Jihoon following him to the same room, because he remembers Jaehwan is supposed to be one sharing room with him after they randomly assigned rooming arrangement base on random draw.

“Jaehwan hyung just took away my key and gave me his,” says Jihoon, holding up the card key.

Interesting enough, the only time Daniel and Jihoon have ever slept in the same room goes all the way back to Get Ugly team — even when they’re now officially a couple.

 

——————

 

After it became clear to the members that Daniel and Jihoon’s relationship status is now different, Jisung asked the new couple in private if they would like to room together.

“Sungwoon and I are fine with switching room, if you guys will be more comfortable with that.”  
“Hyung, it’s very nice of you and Sungwoon hyung but… Jihoonnie and I don’t want our group's everyday life to change too much just because we’re together.”

After all, this is not only their professional career but also other people’s they are talking about. They are still part of an idol group in which 11 guys are living under the same roof and having to deal with one another 24/7. The everyday life as an idol is already tough, and both Daniel and Jihoon really don’t feel like adding a barrier of some sort that separates them from their members/brothers/friends.

It’s been a little more than a month and Daniel still rooms with Seongwoo and Daehwi, while Jihoon still shares the same room with Woojin and Jinyoung. Other than holding hands in secret when they sit next to each other in the van, stealing kisses when no one is looking, occasional cuddling in bed when they happen to be alone, and hugging that looks more like groupmates skinship, there really isn’t much difference.

 

——————

 

Daniel picks up his ringing phone and sees a video call from Jaehwan. He clicks on accept, and there he sees Jaehwan and Minhyun together on the screen.

Daniel: “Hey~”  
Jaehwan: “Is Jihoon around?”  
Daniel: “He’s in shower. Do you need to talk to him?”  
Jaehwan: “No, I’m just calling to say that you can thank me later~”  
Daniel: “What do you — Ah, the key?”  
Minhyun: “It’s actually something the rest of us agreed on, whoever gets assigned to room with you will swap key with Jihoonnie because you two never have the time and space for each other. Now, we understand that you guys want to maintain the balance in our group, but still… one night doesn’t hurt, just treat it like a little vacation okay?”

Daniel ends the call with a smile and thank you for Minhyun and Jaehwan. He and Jihoon really are lucky to have groupmates like these guys.

“What are you smiling at?”

Jihoon climbs onto the bed and snuggles close to Daniel. Daniel adjusts his position a little bit so Jihoon fits perfectly below his arm.

“I was on the phone with Jaehwan and Minhyun hyung, apparently all the guys agreed that whoever assigned to room with me would swap keys with you.”  
“Haha I see… Daehwi complained to me as well, he kept saying ‘Hyung how come you guys don’t go on date? Are you really together like for real?’ I’m actually okay with the way we are now because I still get to see you every day all the time, but…”

Daniel turns to look at Jihoon, who has his eyes fixed to the ceiling.

“…I sometimes think about us in the future, like when Wanna One’s contract is up… because I’m only going to see you less.”

Shifting his body to face Jihoon, Daniel slides an arm below Jihoon’s neck and pulls Jihoon closer to him as much as possible.

“I promise I will go see you.”  
“…Hyung?”  
“I’m not sure when I will have the confidence and power to protect you from public opinion… it will be difficult but I promise I’ll try. Who knows, maybe it’ll be easier to sneak around after Wanna One disbands because people will pay less attention on us… we’ll figure something out.”

Daniel plants a kiss on Jihoon’s forehead before the younger snuggles back into Daniel’s chest again, wrapping his arms tightly around Daniel’s waist. For a while they just remain like until Daniel speaks.

“Yesterday, Woojin told me that you’re worried about something,” Daniel looks on as Jihoon stiffly pushes himself up. “…Are you not going to let me know?”  
“…We’ve only been together for like a month and I didn’t want to burden you with too many stuffs, it’s just me being overly sensitive.”  
“But you talked to Woojin about it, meaning it’s already more than you could handle.” 

Daniel moves up and pulls Jihoon close to him by circling his legs around where Jihoon is sitting. With their fingers intertwined, Daniel lightly strokes the back of Jihoon’s hand with his thumb.

“We’ve come a long way before this and… I really don’t feel like repeating those bad stuffs again if it’s because we don’t talk things out.”  
“…I’ve never talked to you about it, and I tried not to be obvious cause I didn’t want you to worry but… gosh I didn’t know Woojin would —”  
“Tell me, Jihoonnie. If it’s about me, if I did something wrong then I have to know.”

Jihoon shakes his head, his eyes still looking at their intertwined hands.

“It’s still so surreal to me, I mean I didn’t expect for one bit that you would return my feeling and it just made me feel so happy… so happy that it’s getting scary.”  
“…Scary?”  
“You didn’t do anything wrong, hyung. You’ve always been so good to me that I can’t ask for more… Our members are also so supportive and I want to stay professional for them. But sometimes when I’m alone at night, or when I see you talking with other girls, I just can’t help thinking about lot of things. Like what if one day… you decide that girls are better after all?”

Daniel is on the verge of saying something but he decides to wait, letting Jihoon’s soft and a bit shaken voice continues to flow while squeezing Jihoon’s hand a bit tighter. 

“I’m a guy, you’ve only dated girls and you are very popular… I know I have female fans too, but I can just see it in those girls’ eyes when they talk to you… Eventually the day will come when we can’t spend as much time together anymore, so will we naturally drift apart or… will you meet someone you can have an easier and more opened relationship with? If it’s going to end like that, then I’d rather… I know I’m selfish and it’s useless thinking about all these stuffs, but I just don’t have anything solid to hold onto…”

Jihoon has been trying very hard to keep his voice steady but it just gets shakier with every word he says. By the time he realizes that tears are flowing from his eyes, he is already in the tight embrace of Daniel, who just can’t bear listening any longer.

“I—I’m sorry Daniel hyung… I just ---”  
“Shhh don’t be… thanks for letting me know. It’s going to be unrealistic for me to tell you not to worry, because I know my confession WAS very random and you must had a lot of doubt but you gave me a chance anyways… But try to stay positive and don’t write me off immediately, alright?”

Now it’s Jihoon who leans forward and give Daniel a sweet peck on the lips. That angelic smile, those eyes twinkling with innocence and few trails of tears yet to dry on those cheeks.

Daniel stares at Jihoon for a while and swallows a few times before capturing those lips once again. Daniel slowly sucks on Jihoon’s lips and their tongues dancing with each other. Daniel has kissed him like this before, but when he feels Daniel’s hand begins to draw circle on his lower back underneath his shirt, Jihoon has a feeling that this is going to be different. They continue to kiss until Jihoon has to break away for air, and Daniel still keeps his hand on Jihoon’s lower back.

“… Can you promise me something?”  
“What is it?”

Their faces are only an inch or two away from each other, Jihoon can feel the heat coming off Daniel and he can see which he hasn’t seen in those lovely eyes before.

“Don’t ever say that I will randomly go find other people. You know I’m not that kind of person, and I’ll be very upset the next time you say it.”  
“Okay, I won’t say that again…I’m sorry, hyung…”

After a sigh of relief, Daniel brings Jihoon down backward, trapping Jihoon between the soft mattress and his hovering figure. As their kiss gets deeper, more passionate and almost arousing, Jihoon faintly gasps when he feels Daniel’s crotch harden as their bodies start to naturally grinding each other.

“We have work tomorrow, Jisung hyung will most likely give me one hell of a lecture if he sees you not in your best condition,” says Daniel, his forehead leaning against Jihoon’s and his voice now husky. “So I’m screwed either way… it’s up to you, may I?”

It has never crossed Daniel’s mind that sex is a way to resolve problem, but if Jihoon is already feeling emotionally insecure and unsure about their future — and it will take a much longer time to build trust and sense of security — then he is not going to wait around and not give Jihoon at least something real to feel and to hold onto.

When Jihoon pulls him down with both arms around his neck, Daniel knows that he has done the right thing.


	13. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Last chapter finally!!! Uhh apologize for the somewhat weak ending though...  
> 2) Explicit sexual scene, if you don't like it then just skip it.

Jihoon can’t help letting a small whimper escapes his mouth when Daniel’s lips travel across his jawline and neck before a warm tongue begins licking on his collarbone. Jihoon lowers his eyes slightly to see Daniel’s blonde hairs on his chest.

“Hyung… let me help you too?…Maybe later?”

Daniel lifts up his face, shaking his head and smiling.

“You just relax and don’t think too much.” 

Before Jihoon can look away, he catches the glimpse of Daniel giving his right nipple a soft bite.

“Ah!…”

Soon feeling a bit embarrassed, Jihoon covers his mouth but Daniel soon takes his hand away.

“No need to hold it in, we’re not in our dorm anymore…”

Jihoon has never had sex before and even the number of times he masturbates is very few. So this is all new to him — the weird feeling of unable to do anything else besides moaning and arching his body to give better access to his boyfriend’s lips, tongue and hands as they roam all over his milky skin. Daniel, who also has his shirt off, gives attention to each of Jihoon’s sensitive spots, getting the younger boy to moan softly.

Daniel pulls off Jihoon’s sweatpants and begins to rub on the fabric of Jihoon’s already soaked boxer with his nose and give butterfly kisses. Snapping his eyes open, Jihoon’s voice now a mixture of gasp and moan as he reaches down wanting to push Daniel’s head away.

“Hyung, it — it’s dirty don’t… don’t get so close…”  
“You just took a shower, Jihoon ah.”

Now, with the last piece of fabric gone, Jihoon’s cheeks immediately flush with a deeper shade of pinkish red when Daniel begins stroking his hand on the younger boy’s crotch, speeds up his hand before replacing it with his mouth and taking it in entirely. Daniel can tell Jihoon enjoys what he’s doing, as his younger boyfriend can’t seem to restrain his moaning of pleasure and is breathing heavier. 

Daniel wants to see more of Jihoon, a different kind of Jihoon he doesn’t get to see in broad daylight and in public. He wants to see Jihoon letting his guard down completely and embracing the wildest pleasure they can enjoy together, A little more teasing may help, Daniel thinks to himself --- Besides, he needs to do more to relax Jihoon’s body because they don’t have a lube here, and he can’t hurt Jihoon in any way because they still have to work tomorrow.

So he spreads Jihoon’s soft legs and lifts them over his shoulders, much to Jihoon’s surprise.

“Hyung! Let me down!!”

All of a sudden, the most secret part of his body is exposed under Daniel’s eyes --- and anybody for that matter --- for the first time. Call it a natural reflex out of embarrassment, Jihoon tries to wriggle his legs out of Daniel’s grip but such attempt only increases Daniel’s desire.

Jihoon holds his breath and gasps as he feels Daniel’s tongue drawing circle and lips leaving butterfly kisses on his soft inner thighs, getting dangerously close. Tearing his eyes away from Daniel, Jihoon can even feel his boyfriend’s heated gaze without having to look.

“… Don’t…don’t look at me like that…”

With the eyes like those of a tender and loving predator, Daniel stares in awe at Jihoon’s shimmering flower which is the result of all the foreplays he has done. He just can’t wait to find out what that flower tastes like — and what reaction is he going to get by doing so. Daniel carefully licks Jihoon’s pistil with the tip of his tongue, before opening Jihoon’s flower a little bit more to give the petals all the attention they deserve.

It’s like shockwave going through Jihoon’s entire body, giving him jolts and shivers when he realizes what Daniel is doing. A complicated mixture of embarrassment, confusion and excitement, the soft moans and groans soon turn into louder screams of pleasure as Jihoon unconsciously starts moving his hips to go along where the desire takes him. Meanwhile, Daniel is taking his time with his head buried between Jihoon’s thighs, his tongue exploring Jihoon as he pleased and enjoying the taste Jihoon’s honey. 

“…God…I can’t believe you just did that!!…”

When Daniel finally puts down Jihoon’s legs, Jihoon just has to cover his face with both arms. The scene is too graphic for Jihoon and he’s not sure how can he possibly look at Daniel without blushing like crazy from now on.

“I’m sorry Jihoonnie, but I need to do those embarrassing stuffs to make your body relax as much as possible so you won’t get hurt. Can you feel it now?”

Daniel whispers into Jihoon’s ears as he kisses the adorable earlobe and carefully slides his finger into Jihoon’s body, with 100% patience and gentleness as he makes sure Jihoon is prepared.

“Now… there… how does it feel?”

Jihoon let out a small gasp when he feels Daniel’s fingers inside his body, and it’s not as hurtful as Jihoon thinks. Daniel starts moving his fingers and he decides to work a little bit more when he knows he has just hit Jihoon’s sweet spots many times.

Jihoon, on the other hand, is growing impatient with frustration of having to settle for his boyfriend’s fingers. This unknown pleasure Jihoon has never experienced before is taking over him, his body feels so weird and he just wants Daniel to take all of him. Breathing faster and harder, Jihoon tugs on Daniel’s arms with watery eyes.

“Hyung… please… ”  
“… I think you’re ready…” 

Daniel whispers, keeping his fingers inside of Jihoon while tearing the condom package open with his teeth. 

Letting Jihoon hold onto his arms and back, Daniel lifts Jihoon’s legs to his torso and begins to penetrate with a lot of tenderness and love. He goes in a little further as slowly and gently as possible, as he can hear Jihoon softly whimpers and heavily breaths in his chest.

“It hurts…”  
“I know, I know… I’m sorry…Let me know when you want me to stop okay?”

Jihoon shakes his head, gripping Daniel tighter.

“No, keep going…”  
“Okay… You’ll feel a lot better soon…”

Daniel keeps driving his way in a little by little, as gently as possible. When he finally enters fully into Jihoon, he stops moving and looks at Jihoon waiting for his younger boyfriend to relax. When his wink angel pulls him down for a tender --- and eager --- kiss, Daniel starts thrusting into Jihoon. Sometimes slow, sometimes fast, but always with tenderness like he’s handling the most valuable treasure in the world.

“Daniel hyung… I love you so much…”

Inside their hotel room, sounds of gasps, groans, tender whispers and passionate kisses are soon covered by cries of pleasure --- coming from both Jihoon’s higher voice and Daniel’s deeper voice. 

Daniel has always known that Jihoon is beautiful, but now probably more beautiful than ever and he swears he’s going to keep this sight to himself.  
Jihoon has always known that he feels right being with Daniel, but he doesn’t know it’s going to be this right.

When both of them, still in each others' arms, have calmed down from climax, Daniel sits up to clean himself with lots of tissues before pulling up his sweatpants. Daniel somehow manages to convince Jihoon of letting go of his arm so he can go grab some towels to wipe and clean Jihoon’s body which is covered in sweat. 

Jihoon slowly sits up, the warm moist between his thighs tells him that it wasn’t a dream and he and Daniel really made love to each other. Too many things have happened within the last few months, and he would never had imagined that he would give his very first time to Daniel.

“…Jihoonnie? Why are you crying?”

Daniel is shocked when he returns to see Jihoon sitting up in the bed with tears on his face. Not realizing at all, Jihoon quickly wipes away the tears with his hands.

“No hyung it’s not like that! I’m just… really happy and it’s overwhelming…”  
“Alright, cause you really scared me right there…”

Jihoon remains quiet when Daniel wipes off the sweat on his back, but he snatches away the towel from Daniel’s hand when Daniel begins to wipe the moisture between Jihoon’s legs.

“It — It’s okay, I can do it myself…”

Knowing that Jihoon is feeling shy again, Daniel wraps Jihoon’s naked upper body in his arms, caressing the flawless back and kissing Jihoon’s sweaty hair.

“Jihoon ah… I love you.”

 

——————-

 

Next day morning all of Wanna One join together to participate in the music festival rehearsal. The stage crew stops Wanna One’s music to discuss some issues and adjust the sound system, and Daniel takes the time to walk up to Jihoon who is currently on the front row for the choreography.

“You okay? I saw your movement was kind of stiff…”

Jihoon looks around when he feels someone tapping his shoulder, and there is Daniel standing with his face showing hints of concern.

“I’m fine hyung, don’t worry. Just want to save some energy for the actual performance.”

Daniel only feels more relieved than before when Jihoon gives his hand a squeeze with smile. The Wanna One center walks back to his starting position, not noticing the satisfied glances and hard-to-hold-back smiles from those standing near him. 

The entire Wanna One has noticed something different about Daniel and Jihoon when everyone gathers in the morning. They are not touchy or joined at the hip, but it’s like both of them are trying not to show it yet the subtle (but giant) pink bubble is freaking there.

 

———————-

 

**< One Year Later  >**

Maroo Entertainment is giving Jihoon a much needed break in the midst of incredibly busy preparation for his upcoming official debut after Wanna One’s disbandment. Instead of traveling somewhere far, Jihoon can’t really think of anything better than spending some quality time with family at the home sweet home.

“I’m home~”  
“Omo Jihoonie! I didn’t know you’re coming home today!”

Mrs. Park runs from the kitchen to hug Jihoon tightly.

“Thought that I’d give you a surprise, the company is giving me a short vacation so I’ll be here for like 3 days.”  
“Oh, so you and Daniel didn’t plan it together?”

Jihoon looks at his mom, feeling puzzled.

“What do you mean?”  
“He and your brother went out to pick up some groceries for me, they should be back soon. When you dad comes home we’ll be ready for dinner.”  
“Oh…”

Jihoon hasn’t officially talked to his family about Daniel — partially because he’s been really busy before and after Wanna One, and partially because he’s not sure where to start. Mrs. Park looks to her son, who is quietly helping her in the kitchen, knowing Jihoon must have absolutely no idea because his face shows.

“…Daniel’s parents told us, if that’s what you are wondering.”  
“You said ‘us’, so that means…?”  
“Yeah, your dad and brother too.”

Jihoon is shocked at the news but from the way Mrs. Park looks at him, it seems like his mom is handling it fine. Mrs. Park puts down whatever she’s doing, wipes her hands before cupping Jihoon’s face.

“I was disappointed that I had to hear it from other people instead of you, but just so you know I’m not angry… we’re far from angry, honestly. It broke my heart when YMC had to send you home because you were suffering so much, so to see you being truly happy is what matters to me the most.”

The sense of relief is making Jihoon emotional again. Biting his lips tightly, he hugs his mom tightly.

“I’m sorry… but, why did you ask him to come?”  
“Because we like him and we just invite him over for dinner, I didn’t ask you about it because I thought you would be busy… He has visited us a few times when you were busy, did’t you know about that either?”  
“I —”

Jihoon’s words are cut off when the door opens, and both Jihoon’s brother and Daniel are surprised to see Jihoon in the kitchen. Jihoon’s eyes can’t help following Daniel, who is going around the house so naturally like this is his own home.

“Hyung… why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Tell you what?”  
“That you’ve been visiting my family when I’ve been too busy…”  
“Well… isn’t it normal? They are your family.” 

Daniel just smiles at Jihoon before going back to the kitchen. Since he doesn’t know when is his next vacation going to be, Jihoon starts thinking maybe going to Busan tomorrow or day after tomorrow isn’t a bad idea at all.


End file.
